Falling in Love Costs You Friends

How does falling in love affect your relationship with your friends? Research suggests that your friend circle may shrink as your love blossoms!

via GIPHY

Why do we lose friends when we fall in love? Is it healthy? What can we do about it?

"It can be common to lose friends when you fall in love for a few reasons. Often people throw themselves into the relationship and spend all their time with that person.  Friends may feel neglected and life suddenly becomes imbalanced. While this feels blissful at the time for those lovers, it is wise to try to resume some balance and to keep in touch with your loved ones, supports and regular commitments.  I tell my clients that the right person will blend with their existing life so they should try and keep many of their regular pursuits going early on.

 
Also, at times friends may feel jealous when you fall in love if they are single. They may feel left behind, lonely or envious.  It can be helpful to be sensitive to...
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Adults-Only, Clothing-Optional Resort FAQ Part 2

Continued from Part 1 here...

FAQ: What should men do if they get an erection? "I cover up with a T shirt when tanning and yes it has happened to me. Its not acceptable to touch yourself so "down boy". However it's a consequence of being surrounded by beautiful people so it might give rise to an opportunity for you & your partner to go fool around." - Brian & Kath, Vancouver "Depends on how you got the erection, if it is for the right reasons, use it!! Otherwise, just excuse yourself discreetly. I don’t really think an erection will offend anyone!" - Jesse & Jenny, Mercersburg "Nothing to worry about! It happens to the best of us, and it is nothing to be embarrassed about. We recommend that you just roll over on your stomach for a while, or cover up with a towel until the “situation” subsides." - Desire Resorts

FAQ: Will we be encouraged to swing? "No, not at all. People are not pushy at all. Especially if they understand the lifestyle." - Brent &...

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Adults-Only, Clothing-Optional Resort FAQ Part 1

As a sexologist, I have one of the best jobs in the world. I am blessed to travel to far away lands, meet with fascinating people and share my adventures with a community of open minded friends. One of the best parts of my job involves working at clothing-optional, adult-only resorts like Desire Riviera Maya and Desire Pearl in Mexico.

Though I have a blast hosting retreats at these resorts, I know that many of my followers are perplexed by the idea of a clothing-optional, erotic-themed vacation. I receive hundreds of questions every month about what really goes down on the beach, at the pool, in the jacuzzi and even in the restaurants. It's clear that people are simultaneously nervous, enticed and sometimes misinformed about the experience, so I've gathered the most frequently asked questions below and asked real-life resort guests to help out with the answers. Enjoy and please feel free to be in touch if you have any other questions!

FAQ: Do I have to be naked? "No, there are a...

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Up Close and Personal With The Semenette

Last month, I had the pleasure of attending and speaking at the Sexual Health Expo with Astroglide in New York City. I had a blast all weekend long and ran into old friends from Desire Resorts, The Pleasure Chest NYC and We-Vibe to name a few. I also had the pleasure of meeting a host of new folks including Stephanie Berman, President of Berman Innovations, LLC and creator of The Semenette. I was so excited to learn more about their new product and am pleased to feature an interview with Stephanie below. Please check it out!

What inspired you to create this product?

In the past, in my personal life, I have had relationships with both men and women. Having experienced intimacy with both "sides," I have a keen understanding of the differences between what heterosexual couples and same-sex couples can do and experience in the privacy of their bedroom. My inspiration in designing and developing The Semenette® was to afford same-sex couples the opportunity to mimic the...

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Swinging Advice from the Cast of Playboy TV's "Swing" Part 1

This post is brought to you by Desire Resorts.

As the host of PlayboyTV’s Swing, I have the unique and humbling experience of working with couples who are willing to share the most intimate details of their relationships. The cast of the show is comprised of couples from all corners of the country who take a non-traditional approach to happily ever after: they identify as Swingers who open their relationships up to consensual extramarital sexual encounters. Though couples who swing face their regular share of challenges (every marriage is hard work!), many believe that the communication and openness required to navigate the Lifestyle deepens their connection, intensifies intimacy and leads to a lasting erotic connection. Swinging certainly isn’t for everyone, but almost everyone is intrigued by this alternative arrangement and I receive hundreds of questions related to the lifestyle every year. Since the cast of PlayboyTV’s Swing is comprised of experienced...

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Swinging Advice from the Cast of Playboy TV's "Swing" Part 2

Continued from Part 1 here...

via GIPHY

How can you improve communication with your partner (and others) in the lifestyle?

Nikki and Daniel (pictured left): Use swinger vocabulary to explore ideas, but don't try to conform your relationship to that vocabulary. Explore the lifestyle at your own pace and according to the values you hold in your relationship.

Swinger Vocabulary includes the full spectrum of "Swapping", from Soft, Girl/Girl Only to Full, Completely Open.

In almost all instances of asking someone what they consider Completely Open, I hear everything from “totally open” as long as they are under the same roof to solo play dates (with or without specific rules governing those solo play dates).

Using those terms as goals or check marks or specific milestones to achieve is the sure way to undervalue the unique dynamics of your relationship.

Additionally, many swinger (or monogamish) vocabulary terms may be controversial in certain circles. In some circles,...

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Is Caitlyn Jenner's Vanity Fair Cover Just Another Stereotype?

The Toronto Star ran a thoughtful piece on Caitlyn Jenner's Vanity Fair Cover today. Columnist, Judith Timson, critiques the sexy cover images and suggests that Jenner's image is a reflection of stereotypical standards of beauty. I'm inclined to agree.

Timson's critique is both important and thought-provoking and I share many of her concerns regarding images of female beauty and fantasy. However, I'm not sure I agree on all fronts, as I don't believe that "the way most women look" is any more impervious to cultural pressure.

I've shared a few (incomplete thoughts) about my conflicted response on Facebook and have decided to past them below. I encourage you to read the original article first, as it's a good piece and I hope that my brief comments below add to the dialogue.

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My thoughts from Facebook:

What if she doesn't feel she needs to undress, but simply wants to? It's a complex (and personal) issue and so I feel a bit conflicted. The suggestion that...

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Designer vaginas: Plastic surgery’s misogynistic new trend

By Arena Thomson

Women are undergoing below-the-belt cosmetic surgery at a growing rate in a quest for “perfect” genitalia. Labiaplasty consists of reducing the amount of tissue in either the labia majora or labia minora through surgery. Many women are turning to labiaplasty as an answer to their feelings of insecurity about their vulvas, some of whom have very little knowledge about the risks associated with the procedure.

This disturbing trend points to the larger issue of our patriarchal society’s tendency to police women’s bodies, and to instill unease in them over any divergence from the norm. Plastic surgeons who choose to perform labiaplasty often do nothing to assuage these women’s anxieties about their bodies, treating natural variations in vulvas as aberrations that can be “fixed”. great-wall-of-vagina-panel-1-of-10-w In spite of a small number of labiaplasty surgeries executed to alleviate physical discomfort, the prevailing reason for this surgery is far more...

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A Newbie's First Experience at Desire Resorts

As you probably know, I visit Desire Resorts in Mexico several times per year to facilitate couples workshops, host book signings and recharge my batteries to the sound of the ocean breeze. And if you've ever heard me speak, you know that I always return with a handful of stories, anecdotes and lessons (like The Claudia AKA The Goddess) drawn from my interactions with the couples I meet at the resorts. Not surprisingly, I receive more questions about Desire Resorts than almost any other topic (e.g. What happens there? Is everyone naked? Do you get naked? Do you see people having sex in public?), so I've recruited a "newbie" guest to answer some questions about her first visit. Julie, a Canadian Public Relations specialist, was thrilled to share her insights and experience. Jess: What prompted you to visit Desire Resorts in the first place? Julie: I have always been a very open-minded, sexual being. It took years as an adult to discover who I am, and to come to terms with the fact...

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Women Like Casual Sex - Under the Right Circumstances

By Arena Thomson

In 1989, Clark and Hatfield published their seminal study concerning gender differences in receptivity to sexual advances. The study was conducted on a university campus, and consisted of students approaching people on campus with invitations like “Would you go out tonight?” and “Would you go to bed with me?”. The study’s results found that women were more likely to reject the advances of men and that, in fact, zero women agreed to have sex with the strangers who approached them. While both men and women consented to going on dates with the same frequency, three quarters of the men took up the offer of casual sex, bolstering the hackneyed idea that men possess higher sex drives than women.

There has been much speculation and controversy about the results of the study, with emphasis on how the outcomes should be interpreted. Some argue that the study's results should be viewed through an evolutionary lens, claiming that women are more...

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