Sexuality Superheroes: Fatima Mechtab

Uncategorized Feb 11, 2020

Say hello to our first Sexuality Superhero of 2020! Meet Fatima Mechtab. Fatima is the Marketing Director and Event Producer for Oasis Aqualounge, but beyond that she does so much more the sex-positive community. Read Fatima's feature below and get to know her a little better...

How did you find yourself working in sexuality?

From early on, I knew I was not going to be on a traditional career path and for most of my life, Sexuality was always something that I was very open and curious about. I came out as gay/bi, when I was a teenager and my personal politics were influenced through my University education in Women’s Studies, LGBTQ+ issues and Political Science.

I discovered my true passion through Event Management & Digital Marketing but struggled a bit on where I could apply those skills, knowing that a corporate environment was not the right fit for me. I tried more conventional routes with brief stints in trade show work, customer service roles, etc. but...

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How Meghan & Harry Can Attenuate The “Romeo & Juliet” Effect

Uncategorized Jan 28, 2020

Meghan and Harry are stepping away from the Royal Family and moving to Canada (at least part-time). In light of the family’s disapproval, how can they ensure that they safeguard their relationship and respond to family disappointment? Jess sat down with Carolyn and Jeff to discuss parental disapproval earlier today on The Morning Show.

Check out the video and notes below.

How to handle disappointing your parents (or in this case, your grandparents)?

JODO — I learned about JODO from Adam Maurer from @MoonTower_Counseling. JODO stands for the joy of disappointing others. It isn’t about being a rebel without a cause; it’s essential to:

  • Setting boundaries and realistic expectations.
  • Managing personality differences in relationships
  • Expressing your needs and emotions in healthy ways.

In relationships research, there are a few theories that relate to outside sources of (dis)approval affecting the outcome of your...

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How To Be Sex-Positive When People Around You Are Not

Uncategorized Jan 06, 2020

I was recently asked to share my thoughts on what it means to be sex-positive and I’ve shared an excerpt of the interview below. Feel free to chime in below in the comments, because this is just the tip of the iceberg and I appreciate your experiences and insights.

1) What is sex-positivity?

Sex positivity involves an attitude and approach to sex that minimizes moral judgments and honours personal agency and preferences. 

There are certainly differing definitions of sex-positivity. For example, some people claim to be sex positive, but their definition of moral sex is narrow — they may not have sex workers and trans rights. This is not sex positivity — it’s selective sexual freedom. 

My understanding of sex positivity includes respect, support and celebration of everything from abstinence to consensual non-monogamy and everything on the edges and in between. There are of course intersectional issues to consider when it comes to sexual agency —...

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How to Have an Orgasm!

Uncategorized Dec 30, 2019

Hot sex and earth-shattering orgasms don't always come naturally - you have to work for them and do a bit of learning along the way. Consider these approaches to increasing your odds of orgasm and remember that you don’t have to have an orgasm to have passionate and fulfilling sex:

Fantasize! Sexual response originates in the brain, so even if your body is getting what it needs, you have to feed your mind too or orgasm may elude you. It's not cheating to dream about Brad Pitt, Eva Longoria or the hot barista from the local coffee shop. In fact, if it turns you on and you eventually share your fantasies with your lover, it can deepen your connection.

Let your mind wander without inhibition. Who knows!? You might be a part of the estimated one percent who can have hands-free orgasms from fantasy alone!

Change positions. We all know that two-thirds of folks with vaginas do not orgasm from penetration alone, so shift into positions that allow you to rub, grind and rock to your...

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Sexuality Superheroes: Todd Baratz

Uncategorized Dec 23, 2019

Meet this week's Sexuality Superhero, Todd Baratz. Todd is a NYC-based psychotherapist, shaping his client into their best sexual selves. Read his feature below and learn more about Todd!

How did you find yourself working in sexuality?

When I was 15 I started to see a psychiatrist who was also a sex therapist. He later has turned into a huge mentor and influence on my professional work. At the beginning of our relationship, he helped me develop language and comfort with my sexuality. He gave me the tools I needed to turn something that scared me--being gay and sexual--into something empowering. I found this to be incredibly helpful considering absolutely NO ONE else was talking about sex or expressing curiosity. The experiences I had in my own personal therapy shaped my intellectual pursuit of sexual education in my undergraduate, graduate, and post-graduate training.

What is the best part of the job?

My favorite part of what I do is the relationships I build with my clients....

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Sexuality Superheroes: Bethany Killen

Uncategorized Dec 16, 2019

Bethany's mission is dedicated to reducing the stigma surrounding Dissociative Identity Disorder (DID), and helping those who live with the condition. She aims to empower those living with DID, as well as those living with trauma, mental illness, and grief. Because of Bethany's amazing work, she is the perfect person to feature as this week's Sexuality Superhero. 

How did you find yourself working in sexuality?

In 2014, I was sexually assaulted. Without going into too much detail, I had been diagnosed with Dissociative Identity Disorder (DID) the year prior, and my alters (Zache, Heinrich and Shoshanna) did what they were supposed to do – protect me. I reported the assault to the police, who investigated and charged my rapist. The police and the courts believed me, but I found myself without an advocate as social services did not. Their disbelief was more to do with my diagnosis than anything else. A forensic sex therapist offered her services pro bono when my...

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How to Have a Sexy Holiday Season: A Sexologist’s Guide to the 12 Days Christmas

Uncategorized Dec 11, 2019

Your holiday to-do list may be bursting at the seams, but we can always squeeze in some extra intimacy. Though sex may not rank as a top priority during this busy season, it’s important to note that a little affection, connection and lovin’ may actually reduce your stress levels by lowering your blood pressure, boosting your immune system and increasing your energy levels.

Give these simple 12 Days of Christmas strategies a try and enjoy a happier, healthier holiday season:

Day 1: Give your honey a hand!

Brighten your lover’s day with with a sensual hand massage first thing in the morning. A quickie session lasting just 5 minutes will give you enough time to showcase your manual skills and cultivate an intimate connection that will last throughout the day. Use almond oil or a candy-cane scented hand cream as you stroke their fingers between your warm hands and swirl your thumbs in circular motions over their tender palms.

Day 2: Send a sexy card.

...

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Sexuality Superheroes: Renelle E. Nelson

Uncategorized Dec 09, 2019

Meet this week's Sexuality Superhero, Renelle E. Nelson! As an infidelity and intimacy recovery strategist, Renelle is dedicated to helping couples reconnect over betrayal and other related traumas. Schedule your consultation today, or check out Renelle's online courses. But first, read her feature below.

How did you find yourself working in sexuality?

I found myself working in sexuality first when I was studying to be a licensed marriage and family therapist, and took a Sexuality class. It was so intriguing and I excelled in the class. My teacher pulled me to the side and invited me to look more in the field of Sexuality. She mentioned there were few women (African-American) in the field. It all made sense, when I was exploring my own sexuality I had so many questions but no one wanted to or had the education to assist me. So in all, I became who I am, and who the field needed.

What is the best part of the job?

The best part of my job is assisting women who felt they were...

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Can I Ghost My Husband?

Uncategorized Dec 03, 2019

This morning, Jess sat down with Jeff and Carolyn on Global TV's The Morning Show to address viewer questions about relationships and ghosting. Check out what Jess has to say, see her expanded notes and video clip below.

I’m married and want to leave, because I’ve met someone else - my forever person - and we’ve already started making plans. When should I tell my husband? I think I should wait until everything is in place to tell my husband I’m leaving in order to avoid a blowup and months of fighting, but my friends say I should let him know earlier. Am I right or are they?

Do not ghost your husband. Unless you feel unsafe — for example, if you’re dealing with an abusive partner, you want to put your safety first — be transparent. Tell him now. If you’re making plans to leave — changing mail, financial account info or looking for a new place to live — your partner deserves to know.

You say you’re looking to avoid...

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Holiday Gifts To Cater To Your Partner’s Love Language

Uncategorized Dec 02, 2019

Gary Chapman’s bestseller, The 5 Love Languages, suggests that each of us has a primary love language — words of affirmation, receiving gifts, acts of service, quality time or physical touch — and to improve emotional communication and connection, we need to learn to speak our partner’s language.

With the holidays upon us, understanding and catering to your partner’s love language can make gift-giving easier and more meaningful, so I’ve put together a brief gift guide for each of the love languages.

If your partner values words of affirmation, be sure to write a personalized card and consider a DIY gift. Last year, Rosedale resident Bruce made his wife a book of memories with photos and loving commentary from over thirty friends and family members. It’s no wonder they’ve been happily married for 37 years! If you didn’t plan ahead (Bruce’s book took four weeks to complete), consider the 21st century digital...

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