Teenage Sex, Casual Hookups & School Performance

Great news! Research suggests that teenage sex doesn't necessarily lead to bad grades. No kidding!


If you just read the profit-driven headlines that combine the sensationalism of sex with the precariousness of the teenage years, you might believe that there is an indisputable causal link between teens being sexually active and earning lower grades.

Not so says the latest research. Those teens who have sex in the context of "romantic" relationships achieve similar academic outcomes as those who abstain from sex altogether. The researchers suggest that romantic partners may play a supportive role and help ease stress and anxiety. Bearing in mind that definitions of self-reported sexual abstinence can be highly subjective, the results can be viewed as encouraging in that they reject the inaccurate notion that teenage sex is inherently linked to poor academic performance.

However encouraging these results may be, they still privilege one type of sex (so-called romantic sex in...

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Orgasms 101

Orgasms usually involve involuntary muscle spasms, blood flow to the genitals, heightened sensitivity, increased heart rates and hormone release. They may also include ejaculation in both men and women, a visible sex flush and a subsequent state of deep relaxation.


Though often a highpoint of sexual activity, an orgasm should not necessarily be the primary aim, as goal-oriented sex often cultivates unnecessary pressure that detracts from the overall experience. Each woman experiences orgasms differently and no two orgasmic encounters will ever be the same. Some orgasms feel like a gentle flutter or tickle while others may be described as a tremendous release.

I advise clients to experiment with orgasms on their own to become comfortable with their natural response, which may include an infinite range of facial expressions, gestures, movements, change in breathing patterns, moans, sighs, sounds and emotions. There is no “right” way to orgasm or express orgasmic...

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Could You Handle Two Boyfriends?

While many young men and women may dream of finding Mr. or Mrs. Right and living happily ever after in monogamous bliss, others cannot fathom the thought of remaining sexually exclusive 'til death do them part. Sexually open (also called non-monogamous) relationships are not new, but they do seem to be appearing in popular culture more often as of late.

From Angelina Jolie to Will Smith, many celebrities are rumoured to be enjoying the freedom afforded by sexual non-exclusivity.

Open relationships come in many forms and there is no universal definition. Some people may consider themselves swingers (couples who swap partners with other couples) and others embrace polyamory (the practice of loving more than one person at a time). Even these categories encompass an almost infinite variety of arrangements. Each couple, triad or group has its own set of arrangements and limitations.

What all (good) non-monogamous relationships have in common are open lines of communication. Talking about...

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Are More Women Willing to Pay for Sex?

Apparently there is a market for it in New Zealand...

Plans for a new brothel staffed by male sex workers are underway guided by ex-politician, Pam Corkery.

Many people ask whether enough women need to pay for sex in order for the female brothel to survive. But paying for sex is often more about options than necessity. Many people who choose to pay for sex do not need to pay for sex, but opt to do so.

Take Don Draper for example. Apparently reactions to the new Mad Men season include the criticism that sexy and philandering Draper is just too hot and powerful to pay for sex. As Cory Silverberg points out, Draper and his real-life counterparts don't necessarily need to pay for it, but choose to do so despite having many other sexual options.

It will be interesting to see how the story unfolds in New Zealand...


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Women's Breasts Getting Bigger

Women's breasts are getting bigger!


According to Selfridges of London, sales of bras with cup sizes D through G have increased by 50 percent annually since 2005. The most common bra size in the UK is now a 36D compared to 34B only a decade ago.

Helen Attwood buys lingerie for Selfridges and attributes the growing trend to our increasing waistlines.

"We are seeing more demand for the larger sizes and especially for fashionable, sexy bras in bigger sizes for younger women," says Attwood. "We are in general getting heavier and therefore more women have larger busts, but it can even change depending on the time of the month."

However, one study refutes the connection between increases in weight and bigger breasts. The Telegraph reports that researchers at the University of Portsmouth studied 300 women over four years and discovered an increase in breast size regardless of weight.

In response to the demand for accommodating bigger boobs, the department store has started to...

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More About Hand Jobs: Part I

Hand jobs are not just for teenagers. Though I've written about the art of sensuous touch in the past, each time I visit Desire Resort and Spa, I pick up a few new tricks from the very adventurous and experienced couples who attend my workshops. I thought I'd post a few thoughts on how to make the most of lending a hand in the bedroom, at the theatre or under the restaurant table. (Please abide by local laws.)

As always, I'll preface this post by reminding readers that every guy is different (even if they all seem the same), so there are no sure-fire ways to bring him to the heights ecstasy. All I can offer are a few techniques to get you started. You can practice on a carrot or other vegetable, but don't get too hung up on technique. I always tell my workshops participants to do what feels good for them as opposed to focusing on my instructions. If you "screw up" and twist to the left instead of the right, don't worry about it the penis will still like it.

Consider beginning your...

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More About Hand Jobs: Part II

Continued from Part I

I describe some starter techniques below, but you can play with them to make them your own:

The Firestarter

Lube up both palms and gently rub them over the shaft of the penis as though you are warming your hands over the fire. Lube is essential to this technique, so be generous in your application. Breathe gently on his lubricated shaft to produce a tingling sensation.


The Basic Grip

Use your non-dominant hand to grip the base of the penis by forming a tight okay sign using your index finger and thumb. This can function like a cock ring to trap blood in the penis and intensify sensation. Use the other lubricated hand to stroke up and down the shaft and apply pressure to the ridge and the frenulum.


The Other Woman

This is the backhand grip. Turn your dominant hand upside down as though you are signalling a thumbs-down sign. Stroke up and down the shaft to offer a varied sensation from the traditional grip.


The Multi-Tasker


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How to Touch a Woman: Part 3

Sex means different things to different people and great sex often involves a range of activities and a good deal of experimentation. However, many people view penetration as "real" sex and other forms as inferior substitutes. For this reason, we often rush into penetrative activities and skip over all the fun, sensual and intimate exploration that can involve other body parts and produce orgasmic sensations throughout the entire body. Not only do we deny ourselves pleasure in doing so, but focusing solely on penis-in-the-vagina sex can result in challenges with sexual functioning, response and pleasure.

In Parts I and 2 of this series, we explored ways to touch and pleasure a woman without penetration. We will now explore some possibilities for manual sex that involve entering the vagina. As each woman is unique, you should talk to your partner about her comfort level before experimenting with new techniques. As always use lots of lube, enjoy and explore the entire body (not just...

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How to Touch a Woman: Part 2

In Part 1 of this series, we left off between the legs after a slow full-body caress and tease. Now we'll explore a few more approaches to sensuous touch to build up tension and intensify orgasmic response. Be reminded that this is not a perfect recipe for success, as every woman is unique. Some will enjoy manual stimulation of the vulva, while others prefer a hands-off approach. The only way to know for sure is to ask. The following is intended as inspiration, not instruction.

Some thoughts on how to touch between her legs:


* Lube up your fingers on your dominant hand and make a W-shape with your index, middle and ring fingers. Place the "W" against the top of her vulva and draw your hand down toward the bottom of her vulva by her perineum. As you pull them down, draw them in toward one another so that you no longer have a "W", but a flat palm and straight fingers. You can then move your palm back up to the top of the vulva (toward the pubic mound) and reopen your...

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How to Touch a Woman: Part 1

Clients are often looking for sure-fire ways to bring their partners to mind-blowing, earth-shattering orgasms. And though a quick survey of women's and men's magazine covers may suggest otherwise, there are no guaranteed tricks that will work each and every time for each and every person.

Each person's body is unique and our erogenous zones vary not only from person to person but from day to day. What works on Monday afternoon in the backseat of your car may do nothing for you on a Saturday night after enjoying a bottle of wine in front of a flickering fireplace. And it goes without saying that while one partner may scream with joy at nice lubed finger in the bum, the same move might send another partner screaming and running for the hills.

Having said that, part of my work as a sexologist involves sharing techniques to help clients get started on their own journey of exploration and experimentation. Here are a few thoughts to inspire your own sexual voyage across the beautiful...

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