How Long Should You Wait To Have Sex?

How do you know if you're ready?

The only person who can really provide an answer is you. If you feel ready, willing and prepared and have taken some time to consider how you feel, then you may very well be ready. If you feel unsure of your preparedness, then you should probably wait until you feel more comfortable.

I wish I could tell you that 5.6 dates means that you're ready to hop in the sack, but the reality is that every person and every situation is unique. It shouldn't matter what everyone else is doing (forget about that so-called third date rule), because your body is your own and you have to choose to do (or not do) as you feel fit.

As a sexologist, I advocate for sexual rights, health, education and pleasure. I also provide education to reduce the potential risks associated with sex and embracing a sex-positive approach. This in no way means that I think all sex is wonderful. I also don't believe that people need to make sex a greater priority unless they want...

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The Good Sex Diet

Real Aphrodisiacs

Combining food and sex really is the ultimate indulgence. Just ask George Costanza. And if a pastrami on rye sandwich isn't exactly what you have in mind when it comes to sensual eating, a new study may offer some tips on how to add a little sugar and spice to your sex life.

A Canadian review of 150 international studies found that saffron, the world's most expensive spice, has been shown to enhance sexual performance and satisfaction. Maybe this is why saffron couscous is so tasty! Panax ginseng (or Korean ginseng) may also offer sex benefits by improving erectile functioning in men and arousal frequency in women.

Other spice rack staples like cloves, sage, and nutmeg may also enhance sexual stimulation. And though the lab experiments with these three spices with rats have yet to be replicated in humans, I'm now beginning to understand why my local grocery stores always seem to be sold out of sage...and apple pie.

For an...

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L is for Limerence

Limerence is a term used to describe that period of hot longing and lustful infatuation that we feel when we first connect with someone and begin to fall in love. That sexy spark and constant (almost obsessive) passion is enough to make us look past our partner’s flaws and see nothing but perfection. Yes. We are blinded by love.

Just writing this description makes my heart race a little bit and I need a moment to breathe a big slow exhale right now. If you’re a true romantic or have ever experienced the euphoria of falling in love, you probably know what I’m talking about.

If you’ve ever been in love, you have likely also experienced the decline of limerence or the perception of falling out of love, as limerence can be short-lived. While love can last a lifetime, the thrill of falling in love and the passion of a new romance fades over time, which is why so many couples complain that they’ve lost that lovin’ feeling.

But have no fear, because you...

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Bring That Lovin' Feeling Back Into Your Relationship

Consider making a few resolutions to bring that feeling of limerence back into your love life. I’ve listed a few suggestions below, but be creative and realistic with your own resolutions bearing in mind that keeping it hot takes work, but the process can be as much fun as the results.

Some ideas to get you started:

1. Call for no reason. We all fall into routines and though we may take comfort in the predictability, it can become boring very quickly. Be sure to call or text your partner a few times a week just to say hi and let them know you care. And be strict with the content of these calls and texts. Don’t ask your partner to pick up milk on the way home or slip in a story about the drama of your workplace. Keep the call purely intimate — you are more than roommates or business partners, so act like it. Some possible texts might include:

  • I love you.
  • I want you.
  • I’m thinking of you.
  • I can’t wait to see you.
  • You make me happy.
  • You’re the best.
  • ...
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Do Long Distance Relationships Work?

While long-distance love may make for lonely nights and the need to keep a few extra batteries on hand in the nightstand, loving from a distance is a common arrangement in the modern, globalized world. As more people connect through online dating, new relationships are often separated by hundreds of miles (or more) from the onset. And though the distance may prove to be challenging at times, smart couples are taking advantage of all that long-distance love has to offer.

On the plus side, absence not only has the potential to make the heart grow stronger, but it can also make the libido soar. While intimacy may be cultivated through comfort and closeness, raw sexual desire is often fueled by unpredictability, risk and the unknown. So sex in long distance relationships can be very hot — as long as you don’t let a little space get in the way.

Phone sex, Skype sex (hooray for webcams) and sexting are not only the perfect foreplay to let the tension...

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K is for The Kangaroo Sex Position, Karezza and Kink

The Kangaroo Sex Position involves one partner crouching on all fours with the knees bent while the insertive partner crouches and penetrates from behind. They can thrust and hop around like kangaroos. Good on ya, mate!

Karezza involves prolonged, intimate sexual intercourse without the goal of ejaculation or orgasm. It often refers to penetrative sex involving deep affection, devoted touch, spiritual connection, little movement and partner bonding. Though some people may scoff at sex without the goal of orgasm, practitioners describe it as a love meditation that deepens relationships, embraces the sacred elements of sex and induces states of sexual ecstasy. Though the practice of karezza takes time, commitment and patience to embrace, we can all extract elements from its philosophy without sacrificing pleasure. For example, the next time you’re having penetrative sex of any kind, try lying completely still for a minute or two and breathing in unison with your partner. ...

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Can Sex Make You Sick?

Men Allergic To Their Own Sperm

New research suggests that some men may experience flu-like systems due to an allergic reaction to their own semen. And we're talking more than just the exhaustion and body aches caused by hanging from the chandelier. The condition, Post Orgasmic Illness Syndrome (POIS), involves an allergic reaction after ejaculation with symptoms lasting up to a week. One week! That may sound like a long refractory period and a heavy price to pay for two or three minutes of fun, but researchers promise a silver lining.

Professor Marcel Waldinger from Utrecht University studied a group of 33 Dutch men who underwent a skin-prick test using their diluted semen. The vast majority of participants (88 percent) had a positive reaction indicating an auto-immune response as opposed to the previously presumed psychological cause.

These findings help to clarify earlier documented and unexplained reports of this type of allergic reaction that left men feeling confused...

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J is for Jousting, Joydogging and Joygasms

Happy new year! Here’s to a very sexy and safe 2011.

Delving back into the alphabet, we arrive at one of my favourite letters — good old “J”.

Here are a few fun sex terms to get you started in the new year:

Jeeping: Engaging in sex acts in the back of a car or jeep.

Jerkin’ The Gherkin: You guessed it! A slang term for male masturbation.

Jousting: Slang term for double-penetration, which involves the insertion of two objects (often penises or dildos) into one orifice (often a mouth, vagina or anus).

Joydogging: Stealing or breaking into cars to engage in sexual activity.

Joygasm: A moment of intense pleasure derived from any non-sexual or sexual activity.

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I is for Icing, Iconolagnia, Interfemoral Intercourse, Ithyphallophobia and Intersex

Icing refers to the act of using your hand to spread ejaculate on your partner’s face or other body parts as though you’re icing a cake. We all knew that cake decorating 101 course would come in handy someday!

Iconolagnia involves erotic arousal from viewing nude photos, sculptures or statues.

Interfemoral Intercourse refers to the act of thrusting the penis between your partner’s thighs often with friction on the vulva, testicles or perineum. Sounds like some good old fashioned outercourse!

Intersex is a term used to refer to a biological variation in which a person is born with reproductive anatomy that does not seems to fit the typical definitions of male or female. There are a number of possibilities with regard to anatomical and chromosomal combinations for intersex people. Like all forms of sexual classification, intersex is a socially-constructed category, which doesn’t always reveal itself at birth. For more information, visit the...

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H is for Hentai, Half-and-Half, Hymen, Handballing and The Helicopter

Handballing involves fondling the testicles with your hands often through the pockets of your pants.

Hentai (in Western use) refers to sexually explicit cartoons or animation.

Half-and-Half refers to purchasing sex services in which half the time is spent on oral sex and the other half is dedicated to intercourse.

The Hymen, also known as the vaginal corona, is made up of thin mucous tissue folds and is located just inside the vagina. Though many people believe that the hymen is a solid membrane that “pops” during vaginal sex, this is simply a myth. It is very rare for the mucous tissue folds to cover the entire vaginal opening and its appearance changes over time. The hymen can be worn away over time through a variety of other processes including hormonal changes, menstruation, regular discharge, and masturbation.

The Helicopter is a sex position in which a woman lies on her back and a man lies on top of her to insert his penis. He then uses his hands and feet to...

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