Gateway Sexual Activities

When Tennessee passed their new Gateway Sexual Activity law, I laughed out loud. Surely, this was a joke, right? The Onion had somehow gotten control of…. NO? They were serious! It is written right into their laws that hand-holding has to be taught as a “gateway sexual activity” in sex ed classes in public schools. Hand holding is now pre-sex, and banned in schools. Which is going to be regrettable when people start posting photos of all those GOP politicians holding their children’s hands. Or when all those sweet pre-schoolers with hands holding that big long rope get classified as pre-BDSM.

What the hell is a Gateway Sexual Activity? Something that will eventually lead to sex, maybe? Like adolescence? Eyesight? Birth?

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Here’s the thing about sex: Everything about us is sexual. Our sexuality isn’t this little thing that is neatly partitioned in one little aspect of our beings that can be brought out just now and then like a holiday elf...

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Abstinence and Accidents: The Sexual History of Corn Flakes

About The Author

Dr. Megan Stubbs Dr. Megan Stubbs is a Grand Rapids-based Sexologist. She holds a doctor of education in Human Sexuality from San Francisco’s Institute for Advanced Study of Human Sexuality and a degree in Biology from Grand Valley State University. She also Board Certified by the American College of Sexologists (ACS).

 

For those who may not know me, Michigan is my home state. Despite not being a large state, we still are home to many companies that are based in our pleasant peninsula. In addition to being the automotive capital of the country, we are host to the global headquarters of the Kellogg Company, the producers and inventors of corn flakes. Now as innocuous as this breakfast cereal may seem, its history is one that is filled with ulterior motives and lucky breaks.

According to the Seventh-day Adventist Church, which incidentally has its origins in Battle Creek as well, a low fat vegetarian diet is recommended as per their teachings. Church member John...

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The Best Hand-Job Tip Ever

Last weekend, I had the pleasure of exhibiting and speaking at The Everything To Do With Sex Show in Toronto. Over 45 000 guests passed through the doors of this action-packed trade show and more than 5000 singles and couples attended my seminars on oral sex. I could not believe the turnout! Apparently fellatio and cunnilingus are hot topics and people arrived in droves to learn the “I Can’t Believe It’s Not Vagina” and “The Goddess” techniques alongside a few hundred of their closest acquaintances. It was quite the rush to stand on the stage in front of such a large crowd of eager and enthusiastic students. Now, it is my pleasure to share my favourite money-move with you, my loyal readers.

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The Goddess hand-job technique is a sure-fire way to finish him off and leave him aching for more of you, you and only you! It’s super easy and can be adapted to suit a range of positions of scenarios. Try it out tonight and let me know how it...

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Dirty Talk Lines You Can Use Tonight!

In my last post, we covered the basics of dirty talk and they are well worth reviewing if you missed them. As promised, I’ve listed some specific dirty talk lines you can use to woo, taunt, tease or tantalize your sweetie without feeling embarrassed or tongue-tied.

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Romantic and Sweet:
•You’re everything I’ve ever dreamed of.
•I can’t imagine making love to anyone else.
•You’re my dream guy.
•I never want any other c*ck inside of me.

Alluring and Teasing:
•I know you want what’s under this shirt.
•Want to come play with me?
•Make my thighs wet!
•I’ll do whatever you tell me to do.

Aggressive:
•I’m going to hold you down and make you cum.
•Can you handle what I’m about to do?

Responsive:
•Tell me how you like it.
•What can I do for you?
•I’m just going to lay back and let you work me over.

Ego Stroking:
•You’re the best I’ve ever had....

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How To Talk Dirty: Part 1

Of all the workshops I teach, Dirty Talk, is among my favourites! I promise clients that if they learn to talk dirty, they can be the laziest lovers and still blow their partners’ minds. This is because dirty talk is all about learning to tap into your most intense fantasies and bring them to life in words. And since fantasy is often hotter than reality, crawling into your partner’s dirty mind is the key to a long-lasting and fulfilling sexual relationship.

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Many people learn to talk dirty from porn, but this leaves them with a limited repertoire that excludes the personal element of sexy talk. Moreover, dirty talk doesn’t have to be rough, hardcore or even sexual to be erotic. The most enticing bedroom chatter can be romantic, teasing, alluring, demanding, submissive, naughty and fantastical.

Follow these guidelines to get started and be sure to check back next week for some explicit one-liners you can use to develop your dirty talk arsenal:

The first...

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How To Talk Dirty: Part 2

Continued from Part 1...

If you want to take it up a notch, consider telling your partners about the fantasies you have that include them. Tell them that you thought of them earlier in the day and started aching to feel their touch or tell them that you saw someone else checking them out and it turned you on. You might tell them that you were watching them work, bend over or get undressed and it made you tingle in all the right places.

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Be honest with regard to your fantasies and remember that fantasies do not need to become reality. Just because you are willing to talk about filming your sexual escapades because it turns you on while you are having sex does not mean that you need to pursue this fantasy in real life. If you find that you are turned on by talking about a fantasy, but draw the line at talk alone, make this clear in advance. It is important to set boundaries before sex play and debrief after sex to discuss how you feel about the things that were said.

Other...

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Single Women And The Absence Of Contraceptives

Even in today’s society, with all of its medical and scientific advancements, many women still fail to use contraception. The use of contraception can help reduce the risk of STD/STIs and prevent many unwanted pregnancies, yet it falls by the wayside for many women. There are many factors that go into a woman’s decision on why she chooses not to use a form of contraception.

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Many women’s religious beliefs forbid the use of contraception. They are told that sexual intercourse is only for the production of children, therefore they do not need to use methods against childbirth. They are however permitted to use the “rhythm method” or cycle beads. These forms rely on counting days or beads to determine fertile days. These methods are highly unreliable because women’s cycles change and are not the same amount of days each month.

There can also be societal factors that would make them uncomfortable talking, let alone, seeking out,...

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How to Get What You Want

“I’ll never have a sexual life like other women.”

“I’m too wounded to have a good sexual life or relationship.”

“It’s just not in the cards for me.”

“Everyone else is fixable—but me.”

“My perfect relationship just doesn’t exist.”

I hear these things all the time from people—women, especially. People often go to a place of disbelief about having what they really desire because on some level it’s safer to believe they just can’t have it. If they just accept that they can’t really have what they want, they don’t have to do anything different, challenge themselves anew and risk the possibility of it being true. So they just decide it’s inevitable.

It’s only true if you believe it to be.

You create your life, every minute of every day.

This scarcity belief is a way to protect the self from further hurt and it keeps you small. If this sounds like you or...

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George Clooney: I Never Want to Get Married Again

I woke up yesterday morning to a news story  about George Clonney possibly being single and once again his beliefs on marriage came under fire. George married Talia Balsam in 1989 and they were divorced in 1993. After their split, he said he would never marry again. This is always a hot topic with media and this belief can rub people the wrong way. But here is the thing: he said he was never going to marry again -- not that he was never going to commit to someone else or be in a relationship ever again. Here is the other thing: he might also be happy the way he is. Should we be calling him a forever- playboy or perhaps acknowledging that he is brave enough to work out what he wants in life and stand up for it publicly.

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We live in a society that puts so much emphasis on marriage as the ultimate happiness. But for some couples (some who have been together for quite some time), marriage can come with a lot of unwanted pressure that wreaks havoc on the relationship. If...

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The New Pre-Gaming: Should You Masturbate Before a Date?

About The Author

Dr. Megan Stubbs

Dr. Megan Stubbs is a Grand Rapids-based Sexologist. She holds a doctor of education in Human Sexuality from San Francisco’s Institute for Advanced Study of Human Sexuality and a degree in Biology from Grand Valley State University. She also Board Certified by the American College of Sexologists (ACS).

 

Who doesn’t get a little nervous before a first date? Hands up please. No one? Right.

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Even if you are the most charismatic, confident, good-looking person out there, you may still feel a little uncertainty in your mind. Is masturbating the new pre-date activity to help alleviate those nerves? Most of us have seen that scene from There’s Something About Mary.

All joking aside, is this a viable option to cure a case of the nerves?

Can a pre-game to help keep your mind off of sex on your date? I am highly doubtful. If you are concerned with thinking about sex the entire time on your date, I don’t think masturbation will...

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