Meet our next Sexuality Superhero, Lola Jean. Lola is a sex educator and podcaster, pro domme, wrestler and coach! She has learned so much from this industry and she's sharing her knowledge with the world! Read her feature below and learn more.
How did you find yourself working in sexuality?
I didn’t make an intentional decision to disappoint my parents every day, but man am I lucky I did. I was in between jobs during another phase of my own sexual exploration when I was in search of “a job I didn’t hate.” I began working with Kenneth Play in a more supportive role and didn’t have any intention of becoming an educator and events facilitator myself. However, when I saw the way people reacted to what I had to say, when I realized how my voice and stance felt underrepresented, and most of all how I knew much more than I thought I did. I like to challenge not only traditional ways of thinking and behaving, but the radical ones too. I feel like I’m at a place where I can put all of my skills and interests to use, whereas I felt lost in my prior careers.
What is the best part of your job?
As opposed to helping people, what I enjoy and try to embody within my job is harm reduction. I want to prevent people from hurting each other and/or equip them on how to deal with this should they find themselves in either persons shoes. So many times we are told the best case scenario or best version, whereas when we try that ourselves and are met with differing results, we feel confused, disappointed, and unprepared. It is just as important to talk about the dangers and potential sub-optimal results as much as it is the happy sunshine parts.
What is the most challenging part of the job?
Dating. Not that it was easy before, but becoming a public figure in the sexuality field with a speciality in squirting definitely makes the fetishization target on my back a bit larger. Defining the line of how much I'm comfortable teaching someone before I feel like they're taking advantage in too much of a student/teacher role is tough—this is usually conversationally whereas sexually, I intimidate most people.
What is your most important piece of advice that has the potential to revolutionize relationships?
We should always be learning. About ourselves and our partners. So many issues arise from being “stuck” in a rut, from miscommunications or bruised egos. If we take an approach where we are continuously exploring together, and that exploration may not always net out in devastating love and orgasms, we take a lot of pressure off ourselves while also opening up to endless possibility. A quick tool to do this is adopting the optometrist approach. It’s a lot easier to choose between two things that give someone instruction. Multiple choice versus fill in the blank. It's also less to commit to. Give someone an option: number one or number two, number two or number three….etc...
What is your best masturbation advice?
Push yourself past what you think you’re capable of. Many a time we may stop our bodies for fear of the unknown things they may do. In other words: embarrassing things. When we masturbate we are, typically, alone, so the only person who will know your body did something embarrassing is you. Masturbation can be our time experimenting in the lab and trying new things. Not every experiment has to be successful, but there is an infinite amount we can learn. Not sure where to start or need a guided approach? I created a guided masturbation audio track just for this purpose!
What do you want people to know about your work as a sex educator and pro dome?
I’m really really good at my job. I don’t have a degree from a university in sexuality or dominations. I am a constant student of life and continue to learn about all of my fields of interest, and admit when I don’t have the answers. A university degree is not required to excel at this career or deem you qualified, but you do have to care. Care about others than yourself and care about the work you are doing more than how it makes you feel, or how others responses make you feel.
Where can we learn more about your work?
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