Say hello to this week's Sexuality Superhero, Carlos Cavazos. Carlos is a Licensed Psychotherapist and Certified Sex Coach who has consulted people from around the world! Carlos also has a successful Youtube channel, preaching their advice about relationships, sex and fetishes. Check out Carlos' feature below and learn more!
How did you find yourself working in sexuality?
I sort of manifested it. When I was little, I used to be obsessed with "Talk Sex with Sue Johanson". I would stay up late and watch this lady with vagina pillows and penis puppets talk about all sorts of things that I found fascinating. I instantly knew I wanted to do that when I grew up. When it came time to start college I realized that there was no clear route to becoming a sexpert so I chose to major in psychology. During my intro to psych class, the professor had everyone in the auditorium introduce themselves and what they wanted to do career-wise. I mentioned I wanted to be a sex therapist, but had no idea how to go about it. After graduating, I enrolled in a master's program for counseling and eventually got my license, but was mostly doing mental health work and couples counseling. As time went on, I noticed I kept getting referrals from therapists who did not feel comfortable talking about sex with their clients, so I began taking sexuality courses.
One of my best friends suggested I start a mental health Youtube channel, and when was in graduate school I worked with a media company that would do various television programs and commercials. So I toyed with the idea for a while and shot a few test episodes, but eventually shelved it. As the years passed, I began working a lot more with issues involving sex, intimacy, and sexuality, so I began working towards a certification in sexology. That's when I began working on my Youtube channel, "Ask Carlos", which would focus more on relationships as I thought sex was too scandalous for Youtube at that time.
While working on one of my first videos, "Open Relationships: Must-Ask Questions", I came across a Ted talk by a "Dr. Jess". I remember thinking, "Wow, she is so informative, entertaining and fabulous!" I have a very over-the-top personality which I was afraid would be too much for Youtube, but something about that video inspired me to go ahead and be myself. I noticed other amazing channels were talking about sex, like Sexplanations, and realized that with Youtube, I had the opportunity to make that very odd childhood dream become a reality, and now here I am. It's a very full-circle moment for me.
What is the best part of your job?
Breakthroughs! That moment when the client has that "aha" moment, and finally sees the problem/solution is confetti cannon-worthy.
What is the most challenging part of the job?
It ties in with the breakthrough, but holding back on things that the client(s) are not ready to hear so they can figure it out themselves can be pretty challenging. One thing I love about doing live streams and answering people's questions on my Youtube channel is that I can be more straightforward.
Based on your experiences, what is your most important piece of advice that has the potential to revolutionize relationships?
Take responsibility for your own happiness, pleasure, and orgasms. If you are expecting your partner to magically know how to make you happy, give you pleasure, and give you amazing orgasms without knowing how to make those things happen for yourself and knowing how to communicate effectively, you are setting them up for failure and yourself up for disappointment. Your partner or partners should add happiness, pleasure, and orgasms to your life, not be the only source. They should be the cherry on top, not the whole sundae. Once you know how to be happy, give yourself pleasure and bomb-ass orgasms, you can then show your partner how to do those things for you and reciprocate.
What is the best advice you can give to someone who is putting off seeking advice from a professional?
Stop putting your happiness and wellbeing on hold and act sooner rather than later. This is especially true for relationships. A relationship is like a finger that has been severed: wait too long and there is no chance to get it back together. If you seek help before you even damage that finger, you can get the tools and knowledge to prevent an injury in the first place.
What do you want people to know about your work as a licensed professional counsellor and certified sexologist?
At this point, I've worked with thousands of people on all sorts of issues and the one thing that is constantly coming up is regret. People not going after their dreams, not trying harder to make a relationship work, not being kinder to loved ones, not quitting that job they hate, not cutting toxic people out of their lives and so on. There are already so many people and circumstances working against us, don't add yourself to that list. If you want to pursue that dream job, relationship, sex life, vacation, go for it! Don't sit around and wait for the right time or the right opportunity, make the time and those opportunities happen for yourself.
Where can we learn more about you and your work?
You can head over to my Youtube channel. I make videos on lifestyles, relationships, fetishes and try out various kinks myself. You can also hang out with me or ask me questions during my Friday night live streams. I will also be releasing my first book "Kink for all Seasons" towards the end of the year with a year's worth of kinky stuff to try.
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