The 7 Myths of Male Sexuality

Uncategorized Aug 21, 2019

I hosted a We-Vibe and Womanizer event with Dr. Chris Donaghue last month in Toronto. He talked about the 7 myths of male sexuality in his presentation and wrote about it on Instagram. Check them out below.

Myth 1: If you don’t stay or get erect when you want, then you must have a dysfunction.

Healthy erections don’t always work. It’s not a disorder, it’s a natural variation in functioning. It's called erectile disappointment, not erectile dysfunction. Erections come and go. Don’t panic, and partners don’t take it personally!

Myth 2: Erections are required for sex.

Erections are not required for sex. Sex is about pleasure, and erections and penetration are not needed for this. When having an  erectile disappointment, use fingers, tongues, and toys. Sex is supposed to be fun!

Myth 3: Male sexuality is not fluid.

Nope, we are all more sexually diverse and fluid then we realize. Our sexuality is always evolving and changing. Toxic...

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Sexuality Superheroes: Caroline Colvin

Uncategorized Aug 19, 2019

Meet our newest Sexuality Superhero, Caroline Colvin. Caroline is a sex and relationships writer for Elite Daily, discussing a range of topics from sexual health to gender and sexuality. Check out her feature below. If you want to learn more, scroll down to the bottom for multiple links to her articles. Happy reading!

How did you find yourself working in sexuality?

It happened by (very fortunate) accident. I always knew I wanted to write for marginalized communities, so I could use my gifts as a journalist to advance intersectional feminist causes. Whether in convos with peers or concerted efforts as an activist, I’ve always sought to destigmatize the body and sexuality. This past fall, I saw that Elite Daily had a few openings — one of them being a sex and dating writer. Given my journalism experience and my passion for feminism, it felt like a good fit. Come to find out, it truly is!

What is the best part of the job?

The best part of the job is the positive feedback I...

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Sex Myths We Know You Don’t Believe

Uncategorized Aug 12, 2019

Sex is complicated and both its definition and meaning varies from person to person. But that doesn’t stop us from making generalizations and buying into sex myths that ultimately wreak havoc on our relationship and experiences of pleasure. It’s no surprise, of course, because comprehensive, inclusive sex education simply isn’t the norm in most schools and we aren’t born with sexual expertise.

A big part of my job as a sexologist entails debunking some of the sex myths that impede us from enjoying authentic sex including the following:

Men just want sex and don’t need as much love, attention or affection. They’re always ready to go.

Men are complex beings and you can’t make sweeping generalizations about billions of people. Some want a lot of sex and some want none at all. Research suggests that men desire affection, cuddling and foreplay as much as women.

They're happier in their relationships when they cuddle with their partner...

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LABT - Living Apart, but Together and Other Relationship “Trends"

Uncategorized Aug 08, 2019

Gwyneth Paltrow has announced that she and her husband, Brad Falchuk, are ready to move together full time after a year of marriage. And while you might not be interested in Paltrow’s love life (I’m know I’m not), her arrangement offers a reminder that there is no one-size-fits-all approach to happy relationships.

Jess joined Carolyn and Jeff to discuss the LABT trend and transitions into blended families on The Morning Show.

Check out the video and notes below.

1. Can you really be married if you’re living apart half of the time?

I sure hope so! I’ve spent years of my marriage in a part-time long-distance relationship and couples across the globe do this out of necessity. Domestic workers come to Canada to raise other people’s kids and they’re forced by financial hardship to leave their own kids and spouses back at home. Two of my friends who work as nannies were just reunited with their husbands and kids in the past few months after years...

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Sexuality Superheroes: Reba The Diva

Uncategorized Aug 05, 2019

Meet this week's Sexuality Superhero, Reba The Diva! Reba's goal is to fill the gap for comprehensive adult sexual health education. She aims to provide a positive learning environment, focusing on self-pleasure first. She helps her clients build their sexual (and non-sexual) confidence, have better and more honest partnered conversations, and develops deeper connections amongst spouses. Check out more of this Superhero's advice below.

How did you find yourself working in sexuality?

I started out in sex toy sales for a popular MLM and I realized that before I could sell a toy to any of my clients, I had to educate them about their bodies and how pleasure works. I loved the education in what I did, but not the pressure to drive sales. So I quit and started a company of my own that is geared toward pleasure-positive sex education for adults.

What is the best part of the job?

The best part about my job is watching the transformation in my clients once they gain their...

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Do Weddings Ruin Friendships?

Uncategorized Jul 31, 2019

If you read forums online or sign onto Reddit’s "How many relationships did your wedding ruin?”, you will be consumed by the thousands of ways in which weddings adversely affect friendships.

My friend didn’t invite my kids or my partner to the wedding.

My best man got drunk and gave an obnoxious speech.

My MIL stole one of our cash gifts.

My friend showed up with extra guests.

My brother got engaged on stage during his speech.

All types of relationships can be redefined at a wedding — oftentimes because tensions and expectations are simply too high. Jess joined Jeff and Carolyn on The Morning Show to discuss how you can manage sticky situations related to finances and nuptials.

Check out the summary and video below.

How does the cost of weddings negatively affect friendships?

A recent study found that the financial stress of the wedding can also take a toll on close friendships with one third of bridesmaids reporting that the money associated with a...

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Should Equality Be A Goal in Sexual Relationships?

Uncategorized Jul 29, 2019

I was recently asked about equality in sexual relationships and how you can make your relationships really equal. I share a few thoughts below.

Equality may seem like a reasonable goal when it comes to sexual relationships, but you likely want to be flexible with regard to your definition of equality.

You don’t want equality to necessarily refer to sameness. For example, you can achieve relative equality even if one person has more orgasms. Similarly, if you go down on your partner or initiate sex more often, these may not be signs of inequality, but simply indications of personal preference. It can certainly be problematic when one person is disproportionately tasked with initiating sex, but in some cases this works for both partners and is equally fulfilling.

You likely don’t want equality to be measured by keeping score of sexual advances or efforts. Oftentimes our perception of what we give versus what we take is biased — especially when we are keeping score or...

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Jess is Coming to the North Carolina Sexual Health Conference!

Uncategorized Jul 29, 2019

I’m looking forward to speaking at this upcoming conference in North Carolina at the end of August.

Time: 8:45AM EST
Date: August 29th, 2019
Topic: Sex Education Saves Lives

Sex education is a rebellion that saves lives every single day. It is (part of) the answer to inequality, prejudice, oppression and human suffering and it’s far more simple than we make it out to be.

Program Objectives: 

  • Assess the role sexual health and relationship education plays in physical and psychological health outcomes.
  • Evaluate the ways in which sexual health and relationship education affects learners in terms of sexual orientation, gender identity and sexual identity.
  • Critique sexual health and relationship education programs using an intersectional lens.
  • Identify the role of sexual health and relationship education on diverse sexual expression and sexual communication (including digital and cyber sexuality).

Register here!

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Sexuality Superheroes: Wendasha Jenkins Hall, PhD.

Uncategorized Jul 22, 2019

Meet Dr. Wendasha Jenkins Hall. She is this week's Sexuality Superhero. Dr. Wendasha's mission is to help provide more concrete, science-based sexual health knowledge to those with limited resources. She offers a variety of sexuality consultation services, educational workshops and sex education programming to her clients. She aims to empower, inspire and transform these individuals into their best sexual selves. Read about her background and work below.

1. How did you find yourself working in sexuality?

I started this journey when I was 16 years old. At that time, I was trained as a HIV/AIDS peer educator by the local AIDS service organization in my hometown, Tallahassee, FL. That experience got my feet wet, but I was completely thrown in the ocean when I started grad school in Baltimore at Morgan State University. At the time I was on the path to becoming a mass communication/intellectual property lawyer, but I was assigned a graduate assistantship in the University’s...

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What is The Marriage Pact?

Uncategorized Jul 15, 2019

Good morning! Earlier today, I joined Cheryl Hickey and Jeff McArthur on The Morning Show to talk about the Marriage Pact — an app designed to help students find a backup plan in case they don’t find a forever partner in time to align with their life goals.

Check out the summary and video below.

Important note: Of course, not everyone wants one forever partner, so check out last week’s podcast on Toxic Monogamy and our recent interview on Consensual Non-monogamy if you want to consider alternative approaches to relationships.

1. What is the marriage pact?

The Marriage Pact is a multi-year study out of Stanford designed to match people up in stable partnerships using economic theory and cutting-edge computer science. But it’s not designed to help you find the one — its goal is to help you find a backup plan. The program analyzes core values as opposed to interests and attraction (which can change) and since it was designed for college students, they...

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