Say hello to this week's Sexuality Superhero, Carlyle Jansen. I've known Carlyle for some time now, and she is definitely one of my "go-to" experts. She's super knowledgeable, has great insights, and does amazing work in the field. Check out her feature below!
How did you find yourself working in sexuality?
I gave my sister some sex toys at her bridal shower in 1995. All of her friends had brought gifts such as wineglasses, so there were many questions about what she unwrapped from me: "What is that thing?" "Where do you put it?" As I explained it to them, they asked further questions. They then told me that I was so comfortable talking about sex that I should teach workshops. So I did my first workshop with my sister and her friends. I kept learning and opened Good For Her as a store and workshop centre in 1997 to offer products and education on a broader scale. In addition to the store and workshops, I now work also with individuals and couples to help them...
I was recently interviewed on the topic of long-term passion and how to keep your relationship sizzling after months or years of living together. This is my passion! I’ve been living with my partner, Brandon, for 18+ years and I’m still excited for every single day we get to spend together — in and out of the bedroom.
Listen to my podcast on The Science Of Passion In Relationships here and read below for some of the tips I shared in the interview.
If you want to keep your relationship hot over the long-term…
1. Make your daily interactions more erotic.
You are not a light switch. You can’t go from talking about the mundane (e.g. your grocery bill or whether or not little Johnny is constipated) to tearing one another’s clothes off. So if you want more passion and excitement in your relationships, you’re going to want to weave eroticism throughout your day, week, and month.
Now this doesn’t mean...
Not all relationships are worth saving. And the measure of a relationship is not necessarily its longevity, but the quality and fulfillment experienced by all parties involved.
Jess joined Carolyn and Jeff on Global TV 's The Morning Show to share her insights on how to start the conversation if you’re currently struggling in your relationship(s). Check out the three conversations to save an ailing relationship video and notes below.
This lays the foundation for a shared goal (improving the relationship as a team) and allows you to state your intention to invest in the relationship. If you are simply trying to resolve multiple issues without clearly highlighting the reason for doing so, it’s easy to lose sight of your goal: to work together for a more fulfilling relationship.
The same approach can be helpful when you...
How did you find yourself working in sexuality?
Initially, when I was 18-years-old I was asked by a friend who was a dancer at the time to be in a magazine with her because she did not want “any random dicks” in her face. I was in need of work and it fit my interests as I was starting to really explore my sexual likes and dislikes. From there I got booked to do private cuckolding and domination sessions which opened me up to cam modeling, live shows and adult film. After that, I took a few years hiatus as my music, social activism and community work took a front seat. After being laid off, I began dancing at parties and doing Erotic Touch through my company Sensual Noire. That’s around the time I met Jet Setting Jasmine and we started doing Fantasy Flight Parties. At our...
Are you single and dating? If so, you may be scrolling, swiping and meeting up with new folks daily and with so many options, it can be difficult to decide whether to not someone is a good fit for you.
A @SexWithDrJess Podcast listener recently asked me if there are any red flags to look out for early on in the dating relationship, so I’m sharing a few with you below.
If you have sex, dating and relationship questions, submit them here. We love to hear from you!
They express a desire to have you all to themselves. Is your new partner is critical of your friends and family? Do they suggest that you don’t need them or try to isolate you from your social circle? They may suggest that they love you so much that they’re trying to protect you. And they might assure you that you’re simply too good of your friends and family. This attempt to isolate you and make your new relationship the centre of your life may be a red flag that their controlling...
Intimacy means different things to different people. For some, sexual intimacy involves feeling loved and close to their partner. To others, intimacy involves an experience of spiritual or euphoric connection. For kinky folks, intimate sex might involve injecting elements of emotional or physical vulnerability.
However you define intimacy, consider these approaches to enhance your intimate connection with your lover.
Make eye contact. Research suggests that eye contact with a loved one results in a spike in oxytocin — the hormone that spikes right before orgasm and is associated with bonding. Eye contact during sex can intensify the connection, but it is not uncommon for people to avoid face-to-face positions on account of self-consciousness, discomfort or embarrassment. To ease yourselves into full eye-contact during sex play, start with the lights low or take turns wearing a blindfold as you become more comfortable with your natural facial expressions in response...
When people hear that I’m a sexologist, they assume that I talk about orgasms, blow jobs and sexual dysfunction. And while I do talk about the big ohhh, sexual skills and overcoming common sexual problems, in reality, I spend most of my time talking about relationships because sex doesn’t occur in a vacuum and not all relationships are sexual.
In the upcoming month, for example, I’ll be working with corporate groups and private groups of entrepreneurs who want to improve their relationships — in their homes and in their workplaces, because they know that investing in relationships in the workplace is essential to sustaining and fuelling growth in their businesses.
Whether you run a small bakery or a transnational consulting firm, the who often matters more than the what and how much when it comes to thriving businesses — including the bottom line.
Before we get started, I want to direct you to an even better article about how to pleasure the clitoris and vulva. No bias here, I swear. OK — maybe I’m a little biased. I just love vulval pleasure!
But back to the topic at hand…
If you want to give the best blow job ever, my best advice to is talk to your partner about your desires and ask them to share theirs.
A rich body of research and a small dose of common sense reveals that talking about sex makes for better sex — no surprise.
Unfortunately, most of us are more comfortable having sex than talking about it.
But I want to talk about it. And I want you to talk about it. Because the uncomfortable conversations are often the most fruitful ones. And talking about sex often leads to sex and apparently people like sex.
Beyond the importance of open, non-judgmental communication, consider these practical approaches and techniques:
1. Be selfish. Focus on your pleasure rather than your performance. It’s...
The weekend is upon us and if you don’t mindfully carve out quality time with your partner, you may find that you only spend time together as roommates or co-parents. Just as you have to plan and dedicate time to fitness, health and business, you need to specifically schedule time to be together as a couple. The beginning of the weekend is a great time to create a ritual that remind you both that you’re intimately connected — you don’t just live together, but you share an intimate bond that is worth nurturing.
Here are a few options for jump-starting your connection today:
1. Eliminate technoference. Put your phones in a box and place them in the car, a cupboard or in the basement. The mere presence of a cell phone (even if it’s in your pocket) detracts from connection, trust and collaboration, so invest in quality time with your partner at least once a week. You’ll naturally practice being present and mindful without...
Jess joined Vikki and Jeff this morning to discuss the role celebrity relationships play in our lives. They also talked about how to “future-proof” your relationship. Check out the summary and video below.
1. Why are we so concerned about celebrity relationships when we don’t even know these people?
We feel as though we know them because social media offers what seems like an intimate glimpse into their world. Snaps and stories, in particular, create a false sense of connection because they’re behind-the-scenes glimpses of the mundane or everyday habits.
Perceived relationships with celebrities or online personalities can seem to fulfill major factors of relationships:
Intimate sharing which results in an emotional reaction and endures over time.
But this relationship only goes one way and is a parasocial interaction.
2. Why are we so affected when celebrities (total strangers) break up?
We see celebrities as aspirational and we idealize their lives —...