Basic Hand Job Tips

As part of my initiation into the field of international sexology, I hosted the first set of human sexuality workshops at Desire Resort and Spa this month and they were a huge success. Participants were mostly couples, but a few singles attended the Hand Job session armed with a handy cucumber for practice. I had planned to provide dildos, but was warned that I may not make it through Mexican customs with 50 silicone penises. Given the red-light, green-light selection process at the Cancun airport Customs desk, I'm glad I was forewarned.

As promised, I share a few techniques from the workshop below. Bear in mind that the best sex is always subjective and these are just a few ideas to get you started...or keep you coming. Play with these a little, change their names and adapt them to suit what feels best for you.

Basic hand job tips:

  1. Change positions often to avoid cramping.
  2. Use lots and lots of lube. Check out www.GoodVibes.com for a yummy selection of the good stuff.
  3. Apply...
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Hand Job Techniques

This post is continued from a previous post here...

As promised, I share a few techniques from my workshop Desire Resort. Bear in mind that the best sex is always subjective and these are just a few ideas to get you started...or keep you coming. Play with these a little, change their names and adapt them to suit what feels best for you.

Possible positions:

Rear View: Kneel over his abdomen with your back toward his face

Director's Chair: Kneel between his legs as he sits upright on a chair

Easy Access: Kneel/lay between his legs as he lays on his back

 

Try a few of these moves and let me know what you think!

The Licking Hand:

The Licking Hand is a nice way to get started and is really simple:

  1. Use a flat, super-lubricated hand to simulate a licking tongue. Consider blindfolding him and using two licking hands to simulate a fun threesome.
  2. Gently lick/paint the shaft, balls, head and inner thighs.

The Grand Slam Breakfast: pancakes, syrup and freshly-squeezed OJ:

  1. Apply lots of...
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Cock Rings 101

Cock Rings can be lots of fun for both men and women and despite their namesake, you don’t need to have penis to use them.

Cock rings are designed to be worn around the base of the penis and/or behind the scrotum (the sac containing the testicles); the pressure provided by cock rings can be pleasurable and they promote longer-lasting, harder erections. However, as they come with various attachments, they can be used for a variety of purposes.

Some rings are textured, ribbed or include a vibrating portion designed to stimulate a partner’s clitoris or prostate. These make for fun finger toys as well. Just slip them on your finger(s) and massage the vulva, anus, vagina or any other body part of your choice. If introducing the cock ring to your partner seems intimidating, you may start by using it as a finger ring first. Textured rings can make for some fancy, fingering fun!

Some cock rings are made of flexible material that can be stretched onto a hard or soft penis and...

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What Do Your Sexual Fantasies Mean?

Continued from the previous post...

Feel out their responses to understand their mental trigger points and build on them. If your partner loves to hear about sex in exotic/public places, keep changing the scenarios to add variety. Tie in real-life elements (sex in the workplace or in the car) to make it seem attainable and further entrench their interest. And if your fantasies are highly divergent (they like sex in public places and you just love the chill of handcuffs) combine your fantasies to create a new script (sex in the park with the pigeons watching while you’re tied up to the bench). Talking about or envisioning an ultimate scenario, partner, body part or other fantasy object right before climax can enhance your body’s response and intensify your orgasmic experience.

via GIPHY

And don’t worry about stretching the truth a little. In a committed relationship with open communication, telling your partner that you’d love to see...

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It’s All In Your Head

Uncategorized Mar 16, 2009

This post is intended for those over the age of 18. If you are not yet 18, please visit www.spiderbytes.ca for reliable information on human sexuality.

A mind is a terrible thing to waste – especially when it comes to sex. The brain is not usually what comes to mind when we think about sex organs, but it has the potential to be our most powerful tool for accessing mind-blowing sex.

From a physiological standpoint, the mind controls our sexual response through its interplay with and interpretation of the autonomic nervous system. This system controls involuntary sexual responses and induces relaxation and arousal. But enough abut the science of it…

Our minds allow us to fantasize about anything – even the impossible or seemingly unattainable. And fantasies are healthy and normal. A good fantasy can be better than physical sex, because we’re in control of every last detail and can force events to play out perfectly to our liking. Unlike physical sex,...

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The Impact of Sexual Fantasies

A mind is a terrible thing to waste – especially when it comes to sex. The brain is not usually what comes to mind when we think about sex organs, but it has the potential to be our most powerful tool for accessing mind-blowing sex.

From a physiological standpoint, the mind controls our sexual response through its interplay with and interpretation of the autonomic nervous system. This system controls involuntary sexual responses and induces relaxation and arousal. But enough about the science of it…

Our minds allow us to fantasize about anything – even the impossible or seemingly unattainable. And fantasies are healthy and normal. A good fantasy can be better than physical sex because we’re in control of every last detail and can force events to play out perfectly to our liking. Unlike physical sex, which can be interrupted by a phone call, kids, parents or the Avon lady calling, fantasy sex occurs within the vacuum of the mind. We choose...

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Sexploration

While intercourse (of many varieties) can be awesome, we limit our potential for pleasure when we restrict sex to intercourse alone.

There are so many wonderful reasons to expand our sexual repertoire and potential beyond the confines of intercourse:

  1. Pleasure – lots of things feel so good!
  2. Safety – some activities reduce the risk of pregnancy and STI infection.
  3. Excitement – it’s fun and stimulating to try new things.
  4. Intimacy building – some activities are more likely to facilitate bonding between partners.
  5. Self-expression.
  6. Variety – it’s the spice of life and repetition can get boring.
  7. Learning – sex for educational purposes.
  8. Orgasms – they can be experienced differently with intensified pleasure through varied stimulation of body parts and nerves.
  9. Minimized sexual challenges – pathologized “dysfunctions” may be accurately reframed as personal differences when we expand our definitions of sex. For...
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It’s A Great Time For Sex

Uncategorized Feb 19, 2009

Timing is key to exciting sex. Consider having sex…

Before dinner: the traditional date night involves some food, wine, movies and/or dancing. While I love all of the above and each of these date components can put you in a sexy mood, they can also tire you out. So why not try sex before the date begins? You’ll have more energy earlier in the evening and won’t be weighed down by foods that make you feel bloated. Moreover, satisfying sex releases oxytocin and endorphins that help you relax and calm nerves.

In the morning: put that morning wood and/or relaxed state of mind to good use and have sex as soon as you wake up. Try it on Monday mornings to jump-start your week!

In the middle of the workday (Afternoon Delight): sex in its many forms (including self-pleasure) can relieve stress, so why not engage in sexual activity in the middle of a stressful day to ease tensions? Set a date with yourself or your partner(s) to meet in a hotel room or other private place for...

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Going Down and Eating Out

The following post is intended for those over the age of 18. If you are not yet 18, please access www.sexualityandu.com for accurate sex information.

As promised, I describe another oral sex term below: The Aficionado. This one is for all the men and women who love women, enjoy pleasing us and keeping us coming back for more.

Once again, I can only offer my personal thoughts based on my own experience, research, and conversations with other women. This is not a prescription for great cunnilingus, but just a description of one possible approach to fun, sensual muff-diving. Contrary to the popular belief that “anything you do feels good down there”, each woman has a set of unique desires and responses and open communication is the best way to learn about what she loves. This open communication should be a two-way street in which she gives encouraging feedback and you ask supportive questions.

Encouraging feedback might include the following...

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Sneak Peek Into My Sex Workshops

Listing a bunch of fun oral sex moves in yesterday's post elicited some requests for detailed explanations. I describe The Butterfly below and promise to add a few more later in the week. To learn more, please join me at my sex workshops at Desire Resort and Spa.

I want to preface these explanations by stating that there is no perfect recipe for great sex or mind-blowing sex moves. The most effective way to please your partner (or yourself) is to experiment and ask for honest feedback. Our sexual desires, fantasies, and tastes are as unique as our fingerprints, so the techniques described below are merely suggestions. I encourage you to add your personal touch. Vary speed, pressure, movements, lubrication, suction, and positions until you find a few (or a whole bunch) of combinations that do it for you.

Here we go...

The Butterfly combines the hand job and the blow job for tons of wet, fluttery fun.

  1. Put on a flavoured condom according to your preferences. Consider putting...
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