C is for Cupping, CAT and Clitoris


C is for Cupping:

Cupping is a form of sex play in which suction cups are placed on the skin to draw blood to the surface. Cups come in varying sizes (to suit different body parts) and some use a suction cup or vacuum to create suction, while others use heat. Specialty kits designed for the explicit purpose of cupping can be purchased from sex stores and practitioners need to exercise caution when playing with suction and fire. I advise clients to take a workshop to learn about safety measures associated with cupping and discuss safety measures with their local sex-positive retailer.

C is also for the CAT position.

Designed for penile-vaginal intercourse, the CAT offers clitoral stimulation against the male’s pelvic bone. The CAT is a basic modification of the missionary position that involves the man riding up on a woman’s pelvis so they can rock and rub the clitoris against the base of his penis and/or pelvic bone. This is how the CAT breaks down:

  1. The woman...
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B is for BDSM

BDSM describes sexual play that involves some exchange of power or pain.

B stands for bondage,

D stands for dominance and/or discipline,

S stands for sadism (pleasure associated with inflicting pain) and/or submission and

M stands for masochism (pleasure associated with receiving pain).

Sometimes the terms are grouped together in pairs with BD referring to bondage and discipline, DS standing for dominance and submission, and SM referring to sado-masochism.

While BDSM encompasses a wide range of sexual activities, practitioners tend to play complementary roles that involve some degree of power differentials. However, activities are underscored by the consent of all parties involved and BDSM can be a part of healthy, normal and safer sex play.

Playing out sexual fantasies can be a great way to explore new role-play identities and it is not uncommon for powerful and dominant people to enjoy being submissive during sex play. The desire to engage in elements of BDSM play like pain...

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A is for A-Spot — Can You Find It?

Most of you have probably heard of the G-Spot, but the A-Spot is another exciting zone that can produce intense sexual pleasure as well as rapid lubrication and contractions in some women. Also known as the AFE (Anterior Fornix Erogenous) zone, this area of sensitivity is located at the deepest point of the vagina on the upper (anterior)  wall where it begins to curve upwards.

According to Malaysian researcher, Dr. Chua Chee Ann, who is credited with “discovering” the A-Spot, this sensitive area is located beyond the G-Spot just above the cervix. (The cervix is the narrow lower part of the uterus that protrudes into the vagina appearing as a circular or tube-like structure.) Check out the super-awesome Beautiful Cervix Project to learn more about what the cervix looks like.

How to find and stimulate the A-Spot: Dr. Chua’s research suggests that stimulation of the A-Spot can result in increased lubrication in women who experience vaginal...

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Teenage Sex, Casual Hookups & School Performance

Great news! Research suggests that teenage sex doesn't necessarily lead to bad grades. No kidding!


If you just read the profit-driven headlines that combine the sensationalism of sex with the precariousness of the teenage years, you might believe that there is an indisputable causal link between teens being sexually active and earning lower grades.

Not so says the latest research. Those teens who have sex in the context of "romantic" relationships achieve similar academic outcomes as those who abstain from sex altogether. The researchers suggest that romantic partners may play a supportive role and help ease stress and anxiety. Bearing in mind that definitions of self-reported sexual abstinence can be highly subjective, the results can be viewed as encouraging in that they reject the inaccurate notion that teenage sex is inherently linked to poor academic performance.

However encouraging these results may be, they still privilege one type of sex (so-called romantic sex in...

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Orgasms 101

Orgasms usually involve involuntary muscle spasms, blood flow to the genitals, heightened sensitivity, increased heart rates and hormone release. They may also include ejaculation in both men and women, a visible sex flush and a subsequent state of deep relaxation.


Though often a highpoint of sexual activity, an orgasm should not necessarily be the primary aim, as goal-oriented sex often cultivates unnecessary pressure that detracts from the overall experience. Each woman experiences orgasms differently and no two orgasmic encounters will ever be the same. Some orgasms feel like a gentle flutter or tickle while others may be described as a tremendous release.

I advise clients to experiment with orgasms on their own to become comfortable with their natural response, which may include an infinite range of facial expressions, gestures, movements, change in breathing patterns, moans, sighs, sounds and emotions. There is no “right” way to orgasm or express orgasmic...

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Could You Handle Two Boyfriends?

While many young men and women may dream of finding Mr. or Mrs. Right and living happily ever after in monogamous bliss, others cannot fathom the thought of remaining sexually exclusive 'til death do them part. Sexually open (also called non-monogamous) relationships are not new, but they do seem to be appearing in popular culture more often as of late.

From Angelina Jolie to Will Smith, many celebrities are rumoured to be enjoying the freedom afforded by sexual non-exclusivity.

Open relationships come in many forms and there is no universal definition. Some people may consider themselves swingers (couples who swap partners with other couples) and others embrace polyamory (the practice of loving more than one person at a time). Even these categories encompass an almost infinite variety of arrangements. Each couple, triad or group has its own set of arrangements and limitations.

What all (good) non-monogamous relationships have in common are open lines of communication. Talking about...

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Are More Women Willing to Pay for Sex?

Apparently there is a market for it in New Zealand...

Plans for a new brothel staffed by male sex workers are underway guided by ex-politician, Pam Corkery.

Many people ask whether enough women need to pay for sex in order for the female brothel to survive. But paying for sex is often more about options than necessity. Many people who choose to pay for sex do not need to pay for sex, but opt to do so.

Take Don Draper for example. Apparently reactions to the new Mad Men season include the criticism that sexy and philandering Draper is just too hot and powerful to pay for sex. As Cory Silverberg points out, Draper and his real-life counterparts don't necessarily need to pay for it, but choose to do so despite having many other sexual options.

It will be interesting to see how the story unfolds in New Zealand...


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Women's Breasts Getting Bigger

Women's breasts are getting bigger!


According to Selfridges of London, sales of bras with cup sizes D through G have increased by 50 percent annually since 2005. The most common bra size in the UK is now a 36D compared to 34B only a decade ago.

Helen Attwood buys lingerie for Selfridges and attributes the growing trend to our increasing waistlines.

"We are seeing more demand for the larger sizes and especially for fashionable, sexy bras in bigger sizes for younger women," says Attwood. "We are in general getting heavier and therefore more women have larger busts, but it can even change depending on the time of the month."

However, one study refutes the connection between increases in weight and bigger breasts. The Telegraph reports that researchers at the University of Portsmouth studied 300 women over four years and discovered an increase in breast size regardless of weight.

In response to the demand for accommodating bigger boobs, the department store has started to...

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More About Hand Jobs: Part I

Hand jobs are not just for teenagers. Though I've written about the art of sensuous touch in the past, each time I visit Desire Resort and Spa, I pick up a few new tricks from the very adventurous and experienced couples who attend my workshops. I thought I'd post a few thoughts on how to make the most of lending a hand in the bedroom, at the theatre or under the restaurant table. (Please abide by local laws.)

As always, I'll preface this post by reminding readers that every guy is different (even if they all seem the same), so there are no sure-fire ways to bring him to the heights ecstasy. All I can offer are a few techniques to get you started. You can practice on a carrot or other vegetable, but don't get too hung up on technique. I always tell my workshops participants to do what feels good for them as opposed to focusing on my instructions. If you "screw up" and twist to the left instead of the right, don't worry about it the penis will still like it.

Consider beginning your...

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More About Hand Jobs: Part II

Continued from Part I

I describe some starter techniques below, but you can play with them to make them your own:

The Firestarter

Lube up both palms and gently rub them over the shaft of the penis as though you are warming your hands over the fire. Lube is essential to this technique, so be generous in your application. Breathe gently on his lubricated shaft to produce a tingling sensation.


The Basic Grip

Use your non-dominant hand to grip the base of the penis by forming a tight okay sign using your index finger and thumb. This can function like a cock ring to trap blood in the penis and intensify sensation. Use the other lubricated hand to stroke up and down the shaft and apply pressure to the ridge and the frenulum.


The Other Woman

This is the backhand grip. Turn your dominant hand upside down as though you are signalling a thumbs-down sign. Stroke up and down the shaft to offer a varied sensation from the traditional grip.


The Multi-Tasker


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