Despite what the spammers who clog my junk-mail box may believe, I’m not a believer in miracle pills and quick-fixes to sex problems — and believe it or not, I don’t want to add inches or last longer. Really! All jokes aside, the truth is that a hot sex life takes work and you can’t resolve deep-rooted issues overnight. However, the power of the mind is quite exceptional and my clients report higher levels of sexual self-confidence and ultimately, intensified sexual experiences after completing the exercise outlined below.
Make a list of your sexual strengths.
From your technical prowess and hot physical features to your sexual energy and top-notch attitude, a little positive sexual self-talk can go a long way. Even my clients who feel sexually lost can identify some of their strengths that make them sexually strong. A few of the creative and empowering items, I’ve seen on my clients’ lists include:
These types of research findings make me want to go back to school and study neurology!
In the latest brain-map research, scientists have actually identified the areas in which brain activity is most prominent when love is in the air -- and the mind.
By analyzing results from 20 studies, Jim Pfaus, a professor of psychology at Concordia University, developed a complete map of how love and desire relate to brain activity.
According to Science Daily:
"Love and sexual desire activate different areas of the striatum. The area activated by sexual desire is usually activated by things that are inherently pleasurable, such as sex or food. The area activated by love is involved in the process of conditioning by which things paired with reward or pleasure are given inherent value. That is, as feelings of sexual desire develop into love, they are processed in a different place in the striatum."
Pfaus explains that love is partically derived from desire. "Love is actually a...
In-the-flesh affairs are easy to identify. From making out in a cab to sneaking away for some afternoon delight, unless you’re Bill Clinton, there is little ambiguity when physical contact is involved. But the same cannot always be said for online affairs and the line between friendly chatter and full-blown cheating is often blurred by distance, uncertainty and sometimes a dose of self-serving rationalization.
In my practice, I hear from many clients who admit to crossing lines of infidelity online that they wouldn’t dare approach in-person. Whether they’re sending flirty Facebook messages or full-on sexts, technology has not only transformed the way we communicate, but it has also changed the way we cheat.
Dr. Katherine Hertlein, a licensed Marriage and Family Therapist believes that online chatting is set up perfectly to facilitate cheating. “It’s affordable, accessible and anonymous,” explains Hertlein. “And since...
If you’ve ever fallen head over heels for the Mr. Wrong (and who hasn’t?), you know that the laws of attraction are both a science and a mystery. Sometimes we find ourselves inexplicably attracted to a man who brings us nothing but drama while the perfect gentleman goes completely unnoticed. Sorry guys!
I hear it from women in the dating game all the time. They meet and connect with a guy who is perfect on paper, but they just don’t seem to click. He’s handsome, kind, funny and caring -- a perfect 10. But sexually, they just can’t seem to get beyond first gear -- or first base.
Most of these women start to blame themselves and wonder if something is wrong with them. They label themselves as self-destructive or damaged when in most cases, nothing could be farther than the truth. Sexual chemistry is a complex and wondrous thing and we can’t always control whom we’re attracted to and we shouldn’t apologize for our...
Men and women across the globe spend their lives searching for love in hopes of companionship, excitement, family, happily-ever-after, sex, security and even status. But now science suggests that love also has the power to ease physical aches and pains. A study has found that being in love activates the reward centres of the brain — the same regions impacted by painkiller drugs.
The research out of Stanford University tested pain levels of men and women by applying heat to the palm of their hands. Looking at photos of their lovers significantly reduced their experience of pain and MRI scans connected this love-induced analgesia to activity in the area of the brain associated with addiction to painkillers, cocaine and other drugs.
“This tells us that you don’t have to just rely on drugs for pain relief,” explains researcher, Dr. Arthur Aron. “People are feeling intense rewards without the side effects of drugs.”
And though big pharma...
Feeling itchy and scratchy? Does it burn when you pee? Are you sexually active? If you follow my work, you’ll know that I don’t use scare tactics in my practice and I celebrate sex for all its glorious pleasure potential. However, partnered sex of all varieties and even safer sex with condoms carries some risk of sexually transmitted infection (STI), so taking your health into your own hands is of utmost importance.
As a young professional, you take care of your health: you make an effort to eat well (weekends don’t count), exercise (dancing all night qualifies) and achieve a healthy work-life balance (unless it is month or quarter-end). Taking care of your sexual health should therefore be a no-brainer. After all, sex feels good, carries a host of health benefits and is ultimately, the life force.
So, where should you begin? First and foremost, safer sex is an absolute must. STI and HIV rates continue to rise, so barrier methods like condoms need to be...
Having trouble reaching the big Ohhh? You're not alone. A lack of physical stimulation (where it counts), relationship strife, hormonal shifts, mood, pelvic floor tone and intrusive thoughts can all interfere with your ability to orgasm, but this week I've seen half a dozen women who presented with similar challenges: their orgasms are being impeded by a combination performance pressure, "spectatoring" and stress.
Since their experience is so common, we've outlined more about these obstacles and how to overcome them below:
1. Performance Pressure is one of the biggest detractors from sexual pleasure. While men may feel pressure to last longer and be harder, women also feel pressure to “perform” in the bedroom. In my Rock His World workshops, I always remind women that my goal is to offer new ideas and inspire them to feel confident — as fun as it is to learn new sex moves (and practice on carrots!), being a great lover isn’t only about...
Let’s face it, our bodies don’t always cooperate with us. For men whose erections disappear at an inopportune time the stress and discomfort can be overwhelming but, it doesn’t have to be.
Every man is going to have to deal with losing an erection at some point in his life and if you’re the partner on the other end, you can rest assured that it has nothing to do with you. It’s not your body, your touch or your technique that is keeping him from getting it up. It could be a physiological issue (e.g. high blood pressure, circulation problems, nerve damage or certain medications), but if it happens only once-in-a-while, it may simply be attributable to a bit of anxiety, stress or pressure.
So let him know that it’s no big deal. Don’t overdo it, but do tell him that it’s okay and that it’s perfectly normal. Because it really is! And then kindly demand (is that possible?) that he continue to focus on your pleasure. Yup....
As a sexologist, clients come to me with a wide range of issues: from broken penises (please don’t come to my office - go straight to the hospital and don’t pass GO!) to the joys and complexities of multiple orgasms, each person’s story is unique. But as much as every story is personal and one-of-a-kind, the issue of sexual compatibility in relationships is a theme that arises with almost every client I see.
This is because sexual compatibility matters in relationships. Thanks to the rules of monogamy, achieving a degree of compatibility in bed is essential to relationship success and satisfaction. Check out these 5 tips for understanding and developing sexual compatibility:
Sexual compatibility takes work.
Like all good things, sexual compatibility doesn’t always develop naturally - it really does take work. This is because sexual desires and expectations are highly personal, so even if you share a lot in common with your partner, there are bound...
Should you fake orgasms?
Probably not. A one-off performance may not cause much damage, but tread lightly, as faking can easily become a bad habit.
In a perfect world, you wouldn’t need to fake orgasms for your own sake or your partner’s. However, the reality is that almost all women have put on an Oscar-worthy performance at least once.
But why do women fake orgasms? These are a few of the reasons I’ve heard:
“I just needed to get him out of there! Like ASAP.”
“He had no clue what he was doing — and he wasn’t about to figure it out in the next 20 minutes, so I ended it”
“It just makes him happy.”
“I don’t even know what an orgasm really feels like.”
“I knew it just wasn’t going to happen. Sometimes you just know.”
“I didn’t want to hurt his feelings.”
“He kept asking if I’d come yet — that gets annoying, right?”