In previous pieces, I have covered how sex is not a one-way experience (in ‘Don’t Lie Back and Think of England’), as well as how sex can be like an elephant in the bedroom when it comes to communicating any problems that might be occurring. This week, I would like to suggest ways in which we can get feedback from our partner after a sexual experience. And when I say sexual experience, I am not limiting it to just penetrative sex.
You can begin asking your partner what the sexual experience was like:
“Sweetheart, how was it for you?” or “How was it just now?”
If feedback is restricted to one-word answers or not forthcoming, you can elaborate by saying: “Ok… You know, I would really like to hear what you like about it and what would make it better. Could you share more with me?”
An open-ended question allows for your partner to communicate as little or as much as desired.
Breaking the questions down...
Continued from Part 1 here...
All of us would have inadvertently said something to hurt someone. Hence, when you try to get sexual feedback from your partner, their own fears of hurting you will come into play. They are not just worried of potentially hurting you, but also have a disbelief that you are genuinely willing and open to hear from them. It will take a while before your partner will begin to talk more openly about their sexual experiences.
If you have limited success with open-ended questions, don’t give up. This is where you move onto closed-ended questions such as:
“Did you notice when I did…..?” (Yes or No)
“Did you like it when I did it?” (If your partner does not remember, you could imitate what you did previously.)
“Was your orgasm the same, less or more intense than the last time?” (There is only one answer.)
This is where you can encourage further dialogue by reverting to a few open-ended...
Lady Gaga has been an influential artist since arriving on the music scene, however her influence stretches far beyond her musical ability.
Gaga is a strong activist for equality: she exercised her celebrity status to help eliminate Don't Ask, Don't Tell, and has remained a symbol for sexual equality. She is now moving towards a new battle: body image.
The singer has faced excessive media scrutiny over the past few weeks due to her apparent weight gain. The usually svelte artist appeared heavier during a performance, and the photos have flooded the internet along with criticisms about her body. Gaga is fighting back with the launch of her Body Revolution 2013 campaign which encourages everyone to celebrate their "flaws" by submitting real photos and stories to the Body Revolution section of her website. Gaga has even posted revealing photos of herself with the alarming caption, "bulimia and anorexia since I was 15".
Lady Gaga is on a mission to promote...
You’re doing great. You posted a great internet dating profile at one of the online singles websites. Good for you. You made sure to get some great dating profile photographs from a professional. You successfully navigated the email exchange and asked one of the cute girls out on a First Date. She said yes! Now where are the two of you going to meet for your First Date? You don’t want to blow all the time, energy, and effort you’ve already invested to connect with this girl by jeopardizing everything by meeting at dreadful First Date venue that turns her off. Be careful selecting where you will meet single women for First Dates. What do you need to avoid when selecting the First Date location to meet single women from internet dating sites? Read on to discover what NOT to do and where NOT to go for that all important First Date.
In the early cyber-dating days of computer dating in the 1990s, quite often couples were meeting for the first time on what really...
I was quite sure that the debate over the existence of the G-spot had been won (probably from a more hands on experience, though). I’m not sure about you, but I have been finding my G-spot (and enjoying it) for many years now. I was surprised to see the title of an article, “ Scientist finds G-spot. Then cuts it out and dissects it for the world to see.” My first thought was, well duh it exists and my second one was, “ I can’t wait to see that youtube video” (and my third was, what the hell did they do with the thing afterwards?).
The first person to declare the G-spot’s existence was of course Ernest Grafenberg, the man who it is named after. I only hope there is a sexual part of the body named after me one day – the N spot?
But it only took till the year 2012 for someone named Dr Adam Ostrzenski, from the Institute of Gynaecology in St Petersburg Florida, to give us physical evidence. Apart from women having G-spot orgasms...
When it comes to penises, it always seems to be about size. I’d wager that if you asked most men about their penises, they’d say that they wished it was larger. Where are they getting these messages that larger is better? Let’s discuss the facts and dispel the myths, so we may delight in the dick without feeling bad.
The average penis is about three to four inches long when flaccid and five to six inches long when erect. Keep in mind that this is the AVERAGE.
Average – The result obtained by adding several quantities together and then dividing this total by the number of quantities; the mean
There are men that fall into the realm both above and below these marks. Still not convinced? Is your mind drifting back to that porn you saw? Men in porn are usually cast due to their endowment and aren’t a realistic comparison when looking at the everyday man.
Still worried about what the ladies will think? Most women are not concerned with your length, but...
The fall season not only brings a host of new and exciting fashion trends, but marks the end of sweltering summer nights under the stars. However, the cooler temperatures don’t necessarily mean the end of hot summer romance. Tap into your autumn creativity to keep things sizzling even as the mercury begins to drop.
For those whose spring and summer flings have blossomed into longer term romances, maintaining the spark is of paramount importance to keep that loving feeling alive. Keep things spicy by taking action to break old routines and foster spontaneity. If you’re used to getting frisky in the evening before bed, make a conscious effort to seek out your play partner during the day for some afternoon delight. Not only is it more fun with the lights on, but you won’t risk falling asleep before you get a chance to get down to it.
Don’t let your busy work schedule or nine-to-five get in the way of your relationship – keep breath mints by your...
Change the Way You Look!
If you tuned into parts I and II of this special series, you’ve likely already taken the opportunity to secretly schedule sex as well as take a trip down memory lane. Hopefully the flames of sexual passion are burning a bit brighter and you’ve been able to connect with your lover in new and exciting ways.
This week’s challenge to reignite the sexual spark involves changing the way you look. But this isn’t about your hair, wardrobe or grooming habits. I’m suggesting that you change the way you look...at your partner.
In the early stages of a relationship, limerence takes over as our infatuation is fueled by curiosity, anxiety and the desire to uncover the unknown. You lust after your new love interest as you fill in the gaps to idealize your potential mate. But with time, this limerence stage evolves and our lives take over. We stop looking at our partners as lovers and begin to regard them more as people. And though it...
Part 1 here...
In the first part of this series, I suggested that you schedule sex in order to reignite that sexual spark... sort of. The exercise actually involved finding a balance between spontaneity and planning and you can revisit this challenge here.
Your second task, Why Do I Love You Again?, involves a trip down memory lane. It’s a simple way to revisit and reignite the attraction and excitement you experienced when you first met.
Set aside 40 minutes along with your lover and ensure that you eliminate all potential distractions. I know it’s tough, but this is a partnered exercise and isn’t intended for the wide world of social media, so shut down your devices and take some time to slow down. I didn’t believe it myself until I tried it, but somehow the Twitter-verse manages to survive without us while we take time to recharge.
You can complete this exercise one of two ways: take turns answering the following questions face-to-face or if you...
If you find that the sexual spark has faded with time, you’re not alone. Every relationship will experience its share of ups and downs and this is a good thing. You can’t always be on a sexual high, as even a plateau can become monotonous without change.
For the next 3 weeks, I’ll be outlining one suggested change you can make to kick-start your sex life and reignite the spark in your relationship.
Your first task: Schedule sex secretly.
You’ve probably heard that scheduling sex is essential for busy couples, but my clients complain that pencilling in time for sex detracts from the thrill of spontaneity. In response to their feedback (and eye rolling), I now ask each partner to secretly schedule sex at a time that will most likely accommodate both of their schedules.
This means that rather than designating Wednesday night as date night, each person plans to initiate sex once per week. They decide in advance when and how they’re going to do so and...