5 Reasons Porn Can Be Good For Your Marriage

Uncategorized Nov 23, 2017

Porn may forever be connected to a number of social evils including marriage breakdown, sex addiction and the objectification of women, but there are upsides to consuming porn alone or as a couple.

In fact, experts and couples alike acknowledge that watching sexy videos together can have a positive impact on their sex lives. Several studies have even found that duos who consume pornography report higher levels of sexual knowledge and improved sexual satisfaction. And while mainstream porn offers little educational value (they’re actors and sexual superstars after all), it certainly inspires exploration, provides titillation and may even open the lines of communication in and out of the bedroom...

Check out the ways in which porn may have a positive impact on your relationship:

Porn Can Help Put You in the Mood

After a long day at work followed by a “nightcap” of meal preparation, laundry and a frustratingly drawn-out bath and bedtime routine,...

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Rewriting the Rules of Marriage — The Millennial Script

Uncategorized Nov 23, 2017

Every week I receive inquiries from reporters asking if monogamy and marriage are relics of the past. My answer? Of course not. Compared to most of human history, we’re likely more monogamous now than we’ve ever been. But for the first time in modern history, we’re talking about what monogamy means and redefining marriage with the understanding that one-size does not fit all. Today I joined Jeff McArthur to discuss the ways in which millennials are rewriting the rules of marriage.

1. How has our approach to sex changed over time?

  • Our support for premarital sex has increased. In the 70s only 29% of American adults classified premarital sex as “not wrong at all”. In the 80s, it increased to 42% and between 2010 and 2012, the number reached 58%.
  • The age of first intercourse has remained relatively stable, but more Millennials seem to be waiting.

2. What about technology?

  • More couples are meeting online — some data suggests it’s as high as...
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How to Talk to Your Kids About Porn

Uncategorized Nov 09, 2017

The landscape of sex has changed since we were kids with sexting, mobile porn, and social media shaping the way young people learn about sex. Research suggests that it's not uncommon to be inadvertently exposed to pornography online and the age of first contact with adult material may be as young as 13.

With explicit content at their fingertips, talking to our children about sex and porn is more important than ever. And as uncomfortable as a conversation about porn may be, there is no avoiding it if we want to support our children in developing healthy attitudes toward intimacy, sexuality, and relationships. While there is no perfect formula for addressing such a sensitive and subjective topic, we have a few tips for making the conversation count:

1. Ask questions without judgment.

Parents often wonder how to start a conversation about sex and it is common to have serious concerns with regard to exactly how much information they should reveal. One of the best ways to...

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Study Says Vibrators Are Good For Men’s Sex Lives

Uncategorized Nov 08, 2017

A study conducted by the Center For Sexual Health Promotion at Indiana University’s School of Health reveals that nearly 45 percent of men and 52.5 percent of women have used vibrators for sexual pleasure.

For men, there was no statistical difference between vibrator use rates according to sexual orientation. Those men who identified as heterosexual, gay and bisexual were equally likely to report having used vibrators. Among heterosexual male users, 91 percent indicated that they had engaged in vibrator use during sexual intercourse or foreplay with a female partner.

The benefits of vibrators for men include higher reported rates of sexual functioning and sexual health care. Those men who reported vibrator use also rated their erectile function, intercourse satisfaction, orgasmic function and sexual desire as higher and were more likely to have performed a testicular self-exam.

via GIPHY

The study, published in The Journal of Sexual Medicine, addressed a...

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Real Sex Advice From Kaleigh Trace!

Uncategorized Nov 07, 2017

This post is brought to you by The Taboo Shows. Join Kaleigh at the Calgary and Edmonton shows on November 9th-12th and 16th-19th. Seminars are included with entry and you can save $5 by pre-purchasing tickets here. Come say hi to Kaleigh at the We-Vibe booth!
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Have you heard of writer and sex educator, Kaleigh Trace? Time to get acquainted! Jess sat down with her to discuss her upcoming appearances at Calgary and Edmonton's Taboo Shows. She additionally provides some REAL sex advice and talks about her work in the sex education field. Read her interview below.

Why did you choose to pursue work in the field of sex education?

To be totally honest, it was sort of a fluke. I started working in sex education when I was 22 and got a job at an incredible education-based bookstore and sex shop called Venus Envy. I wanted that job because I was primarily excited about the books that the shop sold. But once I began working, I realized I much preferred talking to...

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Is Porn Addiction a Disorder or Scapegoat? Finding Middle Ground

Uncategorized Nov 01, 2017

If you're familiar with my work, you already know that porn addiction is not a recognized disorder despite being a highly profitable industry. You also know that porn addiction has been rejected by the American Psychological Association for inclusion in the latest DSM and the porn addict label is iatrogenic -- that is, the diagnosis (in this case, the self-diagnosis) intensifies the symptoms. You also know that I believe that porn often functions as a scapegoat when people seek to avoid personal accountability and that I believe porn can be a healthy part of happy, loving relationships.

I also believe that discussing the language of "porn addiction" is important given its popularity and the prevalence of self-diagnosis. In the interview below, I speak with  Craig Perra, J.D. Certified Professional Coach and founder of The Mindful Habit® System, to learn more about his approach to porn addiction and the role of mindful masturbation.

Dr. Jess:...

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Reasons Why People Cheat

Uncategorized Oct 31, 2017

Jess talks about the reasons and science behind cheaters on Global TV's The Morning Show with Jeff McArthur. See her expanded notes and video below.

Why do people cheat?

  • A new study found that unmet interdependence and intimate needs being met tops the list of reasons why Millenials cheat; intimacy refers to communication, passion, and love — not simply sex.
  • Other reasons include a desire for independence, novelty, excitement, the feeling of being desired, attention and alcohol also plays a role.
  • Those who experience anxiety about sexual performance are 7 percent more likely to cheat. Researchers theorize that these cheaters might stray to avoid facing their fears in a meaningful relationship or to make progress with a partner who isn’t familiar with their sexual history.
  • I don’t want to overstate the notion of a propensity to cheat, as personal agency plays a larger role than any tendency, but research suggests that men who report high levels of “sexual...
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Halloween Sex Crime Myth Busted

Uncategorized Oct 30, 2017

Despite an increase in laws, restrictions and awareness campaigns aimed at preventing sexual violence against trick-or-treaters, data analysis research reveals that Halloween has no effect on sex crime rates. A study of child sex crime rates on October 31st found that they do not differ from expected rates (based on time, seasonality, and weekday periodicity) and there is no increased rate in the days leading up to the celebration.

The study analyzed data from the National Incident-Base Reporting System from 1997 through 2005 and examined 67,045 nonfamilial sex crimes against children aged 12 years and less. Researchers also found that Halloween incidents do not reveal any unusual characteristics or patterns and findings were consistent across years both before and after the implementation of Halloween-based prevention strategies.

Based on concerns that Halloween presents an unusually high risk for sex-based crimes against children, several states, municipalities and...

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Will a Threesome Ruin My Relationship?

Uncategorized Oct 30, 2017

Threesomes. 

Research suggests that the majority of us have fantasized about having one, but few are willing to take the plunge and actually engage in a three-way session. A recent study revealed that 24% of heterosexual men and 8% of heterosexual women report having had a threesome, which would suggest that either most threesomes (among people who identify as heterosexual) involve two men and one woman or the same women are having threesomes with different men; both of these scenarios seem unlikely and it's possible (probable?) that men are over-reporting and/or women are under-reporting their experience. However you slice it, the number of people who fantasize about threesomes is far higher than the number of people who actually engage in the act.

This disconnect between fantasy and lived reality is no surprise considering the possible repercussions can be quite intense. From jealous overreactions to the potential for an emotional connection with a new friend,...

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How Do Age Gaps Affect Relationships?

Uncategorized Oct 24, 2017

John Stamos and Caitlin McHugh are engaged and commentary regarding their 23-year age gap has erupted. But what does the data say about May-December relationships? Jess discusses with Jeff on Global TV’s The Morning Show.

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1. What do you think of a 23-year age gap? Can a couple that is more than two decades apart really make it work?

Of course they can! I don’t know anything about their relationship, but I’d be interested in at least a dozen other factors (beginning with how they treat each other and how they manage conflict) before I’d be worried about age.

2. Why are people so critical of these types of relationships?

Many of us are quick to criticize other people’s relationships because it helps us to avoid looking in our own closets. By suggesting that Stamos and McHugh are bound to divorce, it distracts us from our own fears with regard to our own relationships’ fragility. People make marriages work with big income gaps, political...

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