Sexy (And Affordable) Gift Ideas for Valentine's Day

Uncategorized Feb 07, 2018

Valentine’s Day may be a commercial holiday and you’ve probably heard me bemoan the risk of relegating romance and intimacy to one day per year. However, if you like V-day and want to celebrate, that’s all that matters. So here are a few ideas for sexy gifts that won’t break the bank:

  • Print some sexy coupons for your partner to redeem at his/her leisure. Some ideas for sexy gifts include erotic massages using body parts other than your hands, “non-reciprocated” oral sex, a candlelit dinner in the nude, chocolate body painting, afternoon delight, a morning quickie, a bondage session and a naked sponge bath. Though this idea is not new, these coupons are great for breaking the ice, initiating sexual activity and introducing new “moves” into your repertoire.
  • Watch a full-length erotic/dirty movie together and see how long you can stay focused on the “plot” before being inspired to make your own.
  • Surprise your...
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My Advice for Strengthening & Repairing Relationships

Uncategorized Feb 06, 2018

This morning on Global TV's The Morning Show, Jess addressed some more viewer relationship questions with Jeff McArthur. Check out her expanded notes and video below. The other day I heard you say that if you’re both willing to go to therapy, it’s a good sign for your relationship. But what if my boyfriend refuses to go? Does that mean that we are incompatible and if so, what can I do?

  • You’re not the first person to respond to my statement with the same concern. And I certainly did say that compatibility is a matter of being willing to put in a similar amount of effort (and therapy is one form of putting in effort), but it’s important to note that the way you invest in your relationship may simply be different. You may be more inclined toward working with a therapist and your partner may be more inclined toward working on it in a different way (e.g. workbooks, self-development, non-facilitated conversations as a couple).
  • My best advice is to go to therapy on...
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Common Sex Questions Debunked

Uncategorized Feb 05, 2018

1. How often should a couple be having sex/ how often is normal?

  • The average is “several times per month to weekly”, but ultimately what works for one couple will not necessarily work for another, so you need to communicate your needs to the each other.
  • Sexual frequency is positively correlated with increases in happiness; this relationship is curvilinear maxing out at once per week
  • One study found that increasing sexual frequency from once per month to once per week results in a happiness boost equivalent to $50K USD, but I’m more concerned with quality over quantity.

Check out my podcast on sexual frequency here.

2. How important is foreplay?

  • All sexual pleasure is “sex”, so the acts that we consider foreplay, including kissing, have the capacity to produce pleasure and connection.

3. For couples who are super busy – is it wrong to schedule sex?

  • Scheduling sex is a great idea. Oftentimes if you wait until you’re in the mood for sex,...
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Once A Cheater, Always a Cheater?

Uncategorized Feb 01, 2018

Being in love can be simultaneously exhilarating, addictive and terrifying. This is because love exposes our most intense passion as well as our most intimate vulnerabilities. The fear of being betrayed, hurt or abandoned is a universal experience and most of us will encounter the impacts of infidelity at some point in our lives directly or indirectly. It follows that trust in intimate relationships is both essential and challenging, as we see the fallout of cheating all around us in the lives of far-off celebrities to our closest friends and family members alike.

But if someone cheats once, are they sure to cheat again? The answer may depend on why they cheated, how they dealt with it, happiness and communication within the relationship and their attachment styles...


Why We Cheat

People cheat for lots of different reasons ranging from boredom and insecurity to lack of intimacy and narcissism. As a partner in a relationship, you can build a...

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Got Relationship Qs? I've Got Answers!

Uncategorized Jan 29, 2018

Today on The Morning Show, Jess fields questions from viewers who are concerned about the state of their relationships. Check out the video and summary notes below. Zahra from Niagara Falls asks via Twitter DM: I just found out that my husband of twenty-two years has opened a secret bank account. There isn't much money in it, but how do I confront him about this?

  • One survey by found that 5% admit hiding a credit card or bank account. Prevalence increases with age with 11% of boomers reporting hidden accounts, which suggests that this practice may be on the decline.
  • Rather than confront him, perhaps you need to ask him why he has opened this account and give him an opportunity to provide some context.
  • Before you approach him, think about how this makes you feel so you can articulate your own feelings as opposed to specifically criticizing his actions. For example, do you feel hurt because you perceive it as dishonest? Do you feel scared because money is something...
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What Are The Signs When It's Time to Break Up?

Uncategorized Jan 25, 2018

Are you and your partner fighting over just about anything these days? Are you noticing too many red flags which leave an unsettling feeling in your stomach? It may be time to call it quits with your significant other. Here are a few signs a relationship has run its course (regardless of gender):

1. Your spouse is hiding money or has set up a “secret” bank account.

They may also change their mailing address for important documents (e.g. bank statements, mortgage statements, life insurance policies) to their work address or relocate these documents away from your home.


2. You no longer recall happy memories fondly.

Think back to a fond memory like your first date, an early encounter or your honeymoon. Do you or your partner taint these memories/stories with negative or critical thoughts (e.g. She was late for the wedding as usual, He couldn’t even relax on our honeymoon)? If so, it’s likely that you need to work on your affection and kindness toward one...

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Keeping Your Relationship Happy & Harmonious During Winter's Frost

Uncategorized Jan 23, 2018

We asked our viewers to send us their relationship questions and we received a few that only Canadians and those living in other cold climates can understand. Check out Jess’ answers in the video and notes below.

Renee from Montreal asks: This may sound silly, but my boyfriend and I fight more in the winter since we’re all cooped up alone. I’d appreciate any advice on how to fight less.

  • Staying home alone together for days on end may lead to more friction, so I suggest that you keep up other good lifestyle habits that boost your mood even during the winter months: don’t skip your workouts/walks & shop for groceries and make your own meals rather than ordering in. (You can also order groceries online.) Sometimes we think we’re fighting because we’re sick of each other, but the fights might be related to the fact that our mood is impacted as we adjust our lifestyle in response to the cooler weather.
  • Be sure to stay in touch with other people...
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Why We Fight Over Money and How to Fix Financial Discussions

Uncategorized Jan 18, 2018

According to new survey data, one-third of Canadians say they are no longer able to cover their monthly bills and debt payments — this figure represents an increase from 25 percent according to a survey conducted three months ago.

Half of the respondents report that they are within $200 of not being able to pay their bills and financial stress takes a toll on the relationship.

This morning I chatted with Jeff on Global TV's The Morning Show about how couples can effectively communicate when it comes to finances. Check out the summary notes and video below.

1. Is it true that money is the number one cause of arguments in relationships?

It consistently tops the list along with kids, communication (not listening), family/in-laws, work, and sex.

2. Why do we fight about money?

  • Fights about money are often fuelled by underlying fears and insecurities - they’re about trust, communication, and power. When your partner is upset that you’ve spent too much, it may be...
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Why Dating is Different After 30

Uncategorized Jan 18, 2018

Data suggests that women in their 30s are more likely to be looking for a committed relationship than a short-term hookup. There are, of course, exceptions — some women (including those who have already been through a divorce) continue to seek casual sex which makes sense since women in their 30s and 40s had more sexual fantasies and more frequent orgasms than those in their 20s.

Though marriage is on the decline, dating in your 30s is more likely to lead to some form of commitment than it might have in your 20s.

How are dating apps different when you're over 30?

The women I work with use different apps according to their age — those in their 20s are more likely to use Bumble and Tinder, while those in their 30s use and novel apps like Happn, Tastebuds & Coffee Meets Bagel.


How is the timeline different, if at all?

In your 30s, you’re likely to find that your career requires a considerable amount of time and effort....

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Add Some Kink to Your Love Life

Uncategorized Jan 11, 2018

An excerpt from The Little Book of Kink...

Kinky sex often refers to practices that differ from the very narrow definition of what our culture deems “normal”. This offers a very limited view and averages and norms are mostly irrelevant to an experience as subjective as sex. Kink is all about exploring your body, your reactions and your sense of self without the expectation that your response will mirror another’s to a tee. Shared reactions are common, but each of our bodies is unique and accordingly, our interpretations of pain, pleasure and all five senses are equally distinct.

Before you explore the world of kink, it may be useful to examine your own attitudes toward sex and revisit some of the myths that often define kinky sex to outsiders. Unlearning misinformation and uncovering the reality of kink won’t necessarily make you embrace kinky sex play and that is not the intention of this book. Learning the facts and uncovering a range of sexual...

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