How to Put Yourself Back on the Market — Without Going Online!

Uncategorized Apr 16, 2018

Sure, online dating sites and apps give those of us looking for love an opportunity to see what’s out there beyond the usual places to meet. But let’s be real: it ain’t for everybody. So here are five expert tips for putting yourself back on the market without having to create the eHarmony profile or master Tinder swiping.

Tip #1: Put your phone away and try to actually notice people

Taking an offline approach to getting back out there shouldn’t be limited to skipping dating sites or apps, but also by making an effort to be more unplugged, period! Such as when you’re getting your morning coffee, out walking the street or passing through public spaces — that sort of thing. At least that’s the opinion of upscale matchmaker and author, Janis Spindel. In a Huffington Post piece, the former fashion executive argues how prospective matches could be anywhere. But if you are frequently busy texting or fiddling around on your phone, you’ll...

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You've Got Relationship Questions? Jess Has Answers!

Uncategorized Apr 10, 2018

This morning on Global TV's The Morning Show, Jess sat down with Jeff and Carolyn to tackle another round of relationship questions from viewers. Check out her advice below and watch her segment from earlier today.

My husband of 11 years doesn’t want me to have any male friends. He says I should only be friends with men in a professional setting and if I hang out with opposite-sex co-workers after work, he needs to come along to chaperone.

I think it’s fair for your husband to want an invitation to after-work drinks sometimes if he simply wants to hang out with you and get to know your work friends. BUT the notion of chaperoning is a red-flag.

You don’t cultivate trusting relationships through supervision or control. And you cannot address insecurities via supervision or control. And his desire to chaperone is likely rooted in insecurity (and perhaps inaccurate messages about what constitutes trusting relationships). In fact, the more you supervise...

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What You Need to Know About the 'Bi-Cycle'

Uncategorized Apr 09, 2018

Have you heard of the 'bi-cycle'? By definition, the 'bi-cycle' means when people (not just bisexual people) find that their sexual preferences change from day to day or even minute to minute. It’s perfectly normal for your sexual desires to fluctuate throughout the month, but also over the long term. What you enjoy today is different than what you wanted five years ago and this is what keeps sex so exciting.

Many cis and trans women report that it’s not only their sex drive that fluctuates with their menstrual cycles (as reported in earlier research with regard to ovulation and sexual interest) but also their specific sexual desires and fantasies.

For example, many of the women I work with who are in CNM (consensually non-monogamous) relationships report that their interest and comfort with the CNM component of their relationship dips right before menstruation. This could be attributed to hormonal, but also to shifts in mood, energy levels and body image...

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Could Hiring a Housecleaner Save Your Relationship?

Uncategorized Apr 03, 2018

Just before our wedding thirteen years ago, my family got together to assemble a book of (unsolicited) advice to help our love and relationship last a lifetime. I don’t remember many of the recommendations they had to offer, but I do recall that my mom, whom I admire greatly, offered one pearl of wisdom: Hire a house cleaner if you can afford to do so.

We followed her advice from the onset (both my husband and I grew up with parents who fought about division of household chores) and the cost of a cleaner (Selena) has been worth every penny. Selena’s weekly contribution reduces our stress levels, curbs tension related to any perceived imbalances and affords us more time to spend together (or apart at our leisure).

Now a working paper from researchers at Harvard Business School and the University of British Columbia suggests that spending a little a money to save time and reduce stress could lead to more satisfying relationships. Jess joined Jeff on The Morning Show to...

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Use The Three F's For Effective Communication With Your Partner

Uncategorized Apr 02, 2018

Communication is everything when it comes to a relationship. It's important that you and your partner are completely honest with each other, and aren't afraid to express your feelings to one another. I suggest that all couples talk about the Three Fs: feelings, frequency, and fantasy. These F-words serve as stepping stones for effective communication with your spouse.
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Frequency: How often do you want to have sex? How often do you think your partner wants to have sex? It’s likely that you think you know how often your partner wants it, but most people tend to misread their partner’s desire. If you want sex less often than your partner does, it’s likely that you overestimate how often they want it; if you want sex more often than your partner does, it’s likely that you underestimate how often they want it. So…you need to formalize the conversation! Write it down on a piece of paper: how often do you want it? how often do you think your partner wants it?...

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Would You Invite Your Ex To Your Wedding?

Uncategorized Mar 27, 2018

Meghan Markle & Prince Harry are getting married and sources report that some of their exes are on the Royal guest list. The Twitterverse, news outlets, and gossip columnists have expressed their disapproval and Jess sat down with Jeff to respond to the critics on The Morning Show.

1. A number of etiquette experts have admonished the Royal couple insisting that marriage represents new love, which leaves to space for old loves. Do you agree?

Nope. Love is not finite. You can love your life partner in an intimate way and love friends and family in similar or different ways. Just as you can love multiple children or parents without the deepening love for one diminishing the love for another, you can still care about an ex AND be completely committed and loving toward your partner. If the two people getting married are comfortable inviting someone, their families, friends etc., etiquette experts should respect their wishes.

2. Why might you want to invite an ex to your wedding?

An...

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Online Dating Tips & Stats

Uncategorized Mar 26, 2018

Are you dating online? The infographic below reveals what Match.com’s research tells us about online daters -- from average age to top pet peeves. Jess also shares a few of her tips for online dating below the graphic.

Match.com Dating Infographic (1)

Source: Match.com

Here are a few tips for successful online dating:

1. Creep your “competition”. Although fellow daters aren’t technically your competition, reading through profiles of similar daters (e.g. people of the same gender, age, and region) will inspire you to craft a more effective profile. Questions to ask yourself: What do these profiles have in common? Do I want to avoid repetitive content (e.g. cliches)? What makes a profile stand out? How can I differentiate my profile?

2. Use your Twitter or Snap feed to populate your profile. It’s an accurate picture of your recent interests and activities. Share a few of your top tweets (without revealing your handle).

3. Ask your friends to write you a short (1-2 line)...

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Can Your Personality Shift After Marriage?

Uncategorized Mar 20, 2018

A new study suggests that our personalities change after marriage. Jess dissects the study findings and makes recommendations based on the data on Global TV’s The Morning Show with Jeff McArthur.

1. How can we measure whether or not personality changes within marriage?

Generally, researchers look at the big 5 personality traits (OCEAN):

  • Openness. Are you open to change, growth and new experiences?
  • Conscientiousness. Are you reliable and do you take the steps necessary (e.g planning and organizing) to ensure that you follow through on your word?
  • Extraversion. Are you highly social and do you derive benefits from interacting with others? (Introverts tend to derive energy and satisfaction from within.)
  • Agreeableness. Do you get along well with others and are you empathetic, understanding, kind and flexible?
  • Neuroticism. Are you emotionally stable and to what degree do you experience positive and negative emotions? We all experience both positive and negative emotions, but...
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Has Your Partner Developed A Wandering Eye?

Uncategorized Mar 19, 2018

If you've noticed your partner is looking a certain way at people, a way that you might be uncomfortable with, how would you handle the situation? As a 'wandering eye' can vary on different levels, one might conclude it really depends on the scenario. Jess answered a handful of questions about wandering eyes. Check out her answers and insight below.

1) Why do those in relationships check out other people in front of their significant other?

We are naturally drawn to beauty and sexual attraction is part of a hard-wired natural human response.

a) How 'normal' is this behaviour?

b) When does this behaviour become a cause for concern?

It’s normal to notice other people, but you have to be cognizant of cultural norms and how your reactions impact those around you. Are you making them uncomfortable? Are you appreciating beauty or objectifying a person?

Checking out other people is a cause for concern if you’re making your partner (or the other person) uncomfortable. If either...

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Jess' Advice for Long-Distance Relationships

Uncategorized Mar 13, 2018

Jess tackled more questions this morning on Global TV's The Morning Show. This time, she addressed long-distance relationships. She shared her insights about how to strengthen relationship longevity and how to deal with the problems that may arise in the long-distance realm. Check out her expanded notes and video below.

1. My boyfriend and I have been living together for the last year of university and now I’m going to grad school on the east coast. We might have to do the long-distance thing and I’m worried that it won’t work out. Is our relationship doomed if I move across the country?

Your relationship isn’t determined by distance. There is no statistically significant difference in relationship longevity between geographically close and long distance relationships. Relationship satisfaction rates are also similar and intimacy, trust, and commitment outcomes are the same regardless of whether you live in the same city or many miles away. People in...

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